


Rose Colored Glasses

by LizzlyBear96



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Love at First Sight, M/M, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-03-31 14:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13977504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzlyBear96/pseuds/LizzlyBear96
Summary: Emotional abuse is real. Gaslighting is real. Manipulation is real.  A lot of the times, when it happens, we don't know why, and it can happen with even the person you would least expect it. With Colin, he would have never expected his best friend, the love of his life, to be that person. And the sad part is, he doesn't even know it. Stuck in a life of fear, guilt tripping, manipulation, and emotional abuse, one would think he's developed a little bit of Stockholm syndrome, making excuses for his love and the way he is being treated. It's nothing more than a misunderstanding. But over time, Colin has realized small signs. All he wants is respect and to be loved in return, but it won't ever happen like how he needs, and he doesn't know why. But, one meeting will change his views forever, and give him the strength to move on. But will he be able to move on with the help of newfound love and friends, or will it be the death of him?





	1. A Dull Life

It was a cold, October night in Vancouver, Canada. The moon illuminated the white ground and the white flecks that fell slowly from the sky, indicating that winter would soon be upon the Canadian public. It was truly a beautiful and calming sight to behold. But to the man who sat in his car at a local park, with nothing but his muted phone and four bottles of one hundred count ibuprofen, it was nothing more than sardonic. He sat in silence and stared out at the beautiful scene, the cold air seeping into the car at a steady pace and his breath came out in steady, small puffs of white. The man couldn't feel the temperature drop, though it dropped slowly, as his body was already chilled and numb. In fact, he didn't feel anything but conflict in his mind and heart. He glanced down at the unwrapped ibuprofen as his mind flickered back through the events of the evening, the past eight years, wondering where it all had gone wrong. Where he, had gone wrong.

 

_'Why did you run off crying after work?' Words dripped from her beautiful mouth with condescending questioning._

 

_'Because I was upset. You upset me. And I didn't want to be around because I needed some space, that's not wrong. And you run off all the time when you get upset even when scares me, so why is me doing it any different?' Words dripped from his mouth with quiet desperation._

 

_'Because it's just **different** when I do it, when are you going to stop being such a fucking cunt. I know you're just doing this because you hate me, so why don’t you just say it.' _

 

_The words attacked his heart like venom. ‘I-it has nothing to do with me hating you, I don’t hate you. I’m just frustrated. Why is that so wrong?’_

 

_‘That’s what everyone says.’ She trailed off, picking apart his sentence and avoiding the fact that she was in the wrong, probably not even noticing it herself.  It was never her fault. ‘Just… Whatever. You go and do whatever you want. Fuck it.’_

 

_He couldn’t take it any longer, so with a deep inhale, he left._

 

The man swallowed heavily as he replayed the acidic attack over and over again in his head. It wasn't until two or three years into this friendship-turned-relationship that the actions became more common, from monthly, to weekly, sometimes daily if the fight was particularly awful. Words of hate and venom spewed in his direction, causing deteriorating self esteem to plummet further, planting a seed of second guessing and doubt over his mere existence and over the words that left his mouth, creating metaphorical gashes in his feet as he was forced to walk on eggshells around the woman he was so sure he loved. He caressed the plastic and felt irritation and a weight against his heart. "What did I do wrong?" he questioned softly, his words becoming nothing more than white air. He could end it all, right then, right now, and no one would even notice, no one would even care. He often pleaded with deities that possibly don't exist that he could have the strength to go through with his plan time after time after time. Yet there was something that would always hold him back;  the fear of pain, fear of the unknown, and most of all, fear of failure, and the excuses he made for _her_. The man ground his teeth together and felt his eyes water, clenching his eyes shut to stop any tears from falling. He hated crying. He wasn't going to deal with it tonight, and he made his decision. _Another day,_ he thought. He bit his lip and shook his head to nothing in particular as he placed the bottle back inside the plastic bag with the others. Grabbing the keys from the passengers seat, he started the car and waited for it to reach temperature before backing out of the empty lot, and making his way towards his apartment. He wasn't sure if he found it lucky or unlucky that he lived such a short distance from the park, as all he could think about was the ticking time bomb waiting for him at home, and how he was getting closer with each passing second. He hated having fights, because they were always unresolved and left both parties full of anxiety, and within himself, dread. But he didn't know what she would say when he came back. Sometimes, it was met with tears and love, sometimes it was met with anger and monotony, but it was always met with manipulation. Something he wasn't able to see for himself.

 

Eventually he made it to his complex. A nice little neighborhood, tucked away in the suburbs of Vancouver. He parked and prepared himself mentally for what could or might not ensue walking up the concrete steps. He grabbed the plastic bag and his phone and locked his car and made his way up the steps and to his door. It was still unlocked from earlier when he left the apartment. Walking inside, he closed and locked the door behind him, welcoming the warmth of the house upon his limbs, and the cat that he loved so dearly. He hoped his girlfriend was asleep as he scurried quickly to the kitchen to the medicine cabinet to quickly put away the ibuprofen, knowing he could full well feign a story as to why there were so many, and she would believe him with no question. Closing the cabinet door softly, he placed the plastic bag away under the sink and stayed crouching as he became submerged in his thoughts while he pet the sweet cat that rubbed against his legs. He was just overreacting earlier, like he always did. It probably wasn't the best thing to have ran away, he could have handled it better, he could have said his words nicer. He was wrong, as the universe proved time and time again.

 

"Did you get fed, sweet boy?" he cooed to the cat who only meowed in return. He smiled lightly. If anything, he was glad that he didn't kill himself this time (and the last, and the last), because he had at least one thing to live for, even if life was getting him every chance it could. He got up to check on the cat's water bowl and food bowl, in the middle of replacing the food before a deep, womanly voice broke the silence and sent shivers of fear and nausea down his spine and to his stomach. It began.

 

"Where did you go?" she asked. He prayed that this would be one of the times that the fight would end like nothing had happened, though it often times ended sour.

 

"Just out. I just needed some fresh air."

 

"Well I texted you and called you and you never answered so I was sitting up freaking out for two hours, the least you could have done was text me back."

 

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly as he placed the cat food down and stood up. "I had my phone turned off. I just wanted to drive, and I thought having distractions while driving might have been a bad idea." The truth was, he just didn't want to talk to anyone, but if he said that, it would only upset her more. There was no winning. “Besides you said I could do whatever I wanted.”

 

"Don't you think that's a waste of gas? You have work tomorrow, we're struggling already financially and we can't do stupid shit like 'drive around' just because you're having a bad night and you don't know how to handle it." Her voice was starting to become more manic and more upset with each word she threw, like she was going to have her own anxiety attack. "Do you ever stop to think how this affects me, Colin? Do you?"

 

Colin stood there, feeling like he was going to be unable to get out a clear and truthful answer. "I do, and sometimes I just need my space and I have to think, I know I could have handled it better, and I'm sorry about it. I'm not trying to upset you, Theresa."

 

"If you weren't trying to upset me, why do you keep doing it? It's a pretty fucking clear answer to me." It was as if nothing Colin ever said could satiate her.

 

"I... I'm not trying to do anything." He was angry and confused, but mostly tired. He knew the tiredness showed in his voice as he saw Theresa shake her head, obviously taking his tone wrong.

 

"Oh my fucking god," she shook her head and turned quickly on her heel. "I'm not dealing with this. Just go to sleep, whatever, fuck it, do whatever you want." And she slammed the door to the bedroom. Colin felt just the same as he did earlier, guilty and depressed, the shrivel of happiness he felt coming in the door gone. He stood there staring at the ground for a while, time passing and his thoughts and feelings festering into a giant mess. He could feel tears well up in his eyes again, this time letting a few of them slip past, but only a few. He wasn't the biggest fan of crying. He swallowed and turned slowly to turn off the kitchen light and headed for the couch. He sat down, and turned his phone on, a chipper melody playing as it started up before one of his least favorite sounds played: the sound of multiple messages coming in all at once. Fifteen times Theresa texted him. Three times she called him. He did nothing but stare at the screen that illuminated his face, and decided it best to delete all the messages she sent, knowing it would make him feel a lot worse if he looked through them. He set his phone down on the coffee table, and laid down on the couch, uncomfortable due to his longer frame. But he didn't care. He just wished for a new day to come. Or not at all. He didn't care what happened. He just wanted to feel sleep take hold of him and get rid of these feelings. His sweet cat jumped on top of his legs with a light chirp, it making its way slowly to lay down upon his chest and purr with intensity. Colin absent mindedly pet his cat as he waited for sleep to take control. He just wanted this night to end, and for things to go back to normal. But this _was_ normal, eight years normal. But it wasn't bad all the time, it was complicated. That's all it was. Just complicated, he told himself. Just complicated….

 

The sweet kitty jumped off Colin's chest, which started to move slowly up and down, indicating he was asleep, and he hoped tomorrow would bring the start of a new journey.

  



	2. Fresh Start

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

 

Colin groaned and breathed in heavily at the sound of an alarm going off, opening his eyes and wondering where the sound was coming from, and where in the hell he was. It took him a moment, but his lower back and sore arm gave him the knowledge that he had fallen asleep on the couch yesterday night. A shame that he was only thirty-six and not only looked like an old man with his thinning hair, but also that his body was starting to feel that of an old man too. Luckily, while he may have remembered why he fell asleep on the couch, he was much too tired to have the negative feelings rush back upon him. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but as they say, duty calls. But _why_ did it have to call at six in the morning? He sat up slowly and reached for the phone as he silenced the alarm and stood up and walked over to the bathroom, glancing back at the doorway behind him. He took a second to dwell, before going about his daily routine. Eventually, Colin came face to face with the door, and opened it as quietly as he could. He saw that the room was still intact (why would it not be, Colin thought), and that his girlfriend was sleeping calmly. He couldn't help but smile; she was really sweet looking as she slept. It almost made him forget. He walked over to the side of the bed as he was buttoning up the rest of his black dress shirt.

 

"Theresa?" he asked. "You're going to be late for work if you don't get up soon, sweetie." He said sweetly, brushing some of her hair from her face. Theresa only groaned in response, which made Colin's face slack in pity. "Are you going to call in today?" he questioned, wondering if she would keep true to her previous statement; if they were 'tight on finances', then why in the world would she call in? He couldn’t help but wonder if he would be granted the same slack and sympathy that he granted to her if he wasn't able to make it to work for some reason.

 

"Mhmm, I don't feel very good. I think I might be having a hypoglycemic episode... I never ate yesterday." She trailed off. "I'm not sure that I can really move or stay up for work today. One day can't hurt, right?" She gave a half hearted laugh. Colin stared at her with a slightly sullen smile, and nodded. He would never understand how her demeanor could change so quickly, from one extreme to the other, as if she didn't just call him a cunt yesterday evening. He brushed it away as just something that was normal. Theresa wasn't exactly what you would call the picture of mental health, and neither was he. But to be fair (was it?), she had had it a lot worse in life. He didn't like how he was treated, in fact he hated it, but she didn't mean to say the things she said or to do the things she did towards him. It wasn't her fault.

 

Throughout her childhood and adult years, Theresa had grown up with mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive parents, and thus developed a few mental issues more than one would like to admit, a lot of them self diagnosed, but, that didn't mean that she didn't have something there. Colin wished she would go to the doctor or a therapist, just to get help, get on medicine, and to make sure that what she was diagnosing herself with was the correct thing. He believed there were a few things one could self diagnose, simpler things like depression, maybe anxiety, because those were things he felt a person could really feel. (If you were suicidally depressed, don't you think _you'd_ know?) He may have never questioned her and went with the flow most times, but the thought lingered in the back of his mind. He just didn't want her to be in anymore stress, and he didn't want to be the person she lashed out on anymore. But it seemed he could never get the gall to tell her, and when he did, it was always met with a negative reaction. She had done her best to get away from her parents, and eventually she did, finding a job of her own in the City of Vancouver from the nice province of Alberta. She and Colin had met through work when she was a new employee for the city, and they had gotten close after the first few months, though she eventually admitted that the only reason she approached him was because she had 'nothing better to do since she had no friends in the first place'. They got closer than Colin would have expected, but he didn't mind. He was always more of a reserved person, and due to that, he didn't have a terrible amount of friends outside of work and family either, so it was really nice to have made a friend where they had a lot in common. They had learned so much about each other and their pasts, and it was really nice to have that commonality, even if Theresa might have taken over a lot of the conversations. Colin didn't mind being a listener, but, he did like to put forth his opinion every once in a while. He  _would_ have liked them not be criticized. But, regardless, that was the reason that Colin felt attraction to her as the months went on, because of that commonality, and eventually agreed to date her when she brought up the notion about two years later that she had felt feelings for him and that she wanted to be with him, that she ‘didn’t want to lose him’. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel some sort of feelings towards her, but he wasn’t sure if the feeling was based on love, or based on the fact that they were often times together and he didn’t like being alone and at this point she was one of his best friends, especially when his family was so far away, and his friends all went to lead lives of their own, or based on- unknown to him -that maybe he was forced to feel that way based on previous actions. But he did know that the feelings did revolve around love of some sort, friendly, or not. It's just his feelings were complicated, and grew more complicated until he was put in the situation where he was now.

 

"I'll see you later when you get home Col, alright?" Colin cringed slightly at the nickname as Theresa's voice broke him from his inner thoughts. For some strange reason, he never liked the way it sounded coming out of her mouth. But he let her have her way, because that's what you're supposed to do; give and take a little, though Colin liked to give more than was asked. It was just in his demeanor. And heaven knows what would happen if he said something about it. "Yeah. I'll see you when I get home too, Theresa." He said calmly, and gave a small smile. Maybe it was best to have some space away from her, even if it was just at work. He was starting to dwell on the conflicting feelings, and that's not how he wanted to start the day. He wanted to salvage this. He knew he could. Colin bent down and gave Theresa a small kiss on the head before leaving the room and closing the door quietly once again. Making sure the water and food bowl for the cat was full, he left.

 

The drive to work was as boring as usual, listening to only a few songs on the radio before shutting it off completely as it was always bombarded with early morning talk shows and too many commercials. He was lucky enough to only live fifteen minutes away from work, or the silence would have bugged him more. Frankly he just wished music wasn't so boring like it had started to become. He drove up to the work building once he reached it and looked for a familiar Toyota, and parked close to it, but more so to the front of the door. Laziness always won in these battles. Sitting in his car, he looked at the steps and front door and gave a heavy sigh before forcing himself out of the car, locking it, and making his way up the steps. He just was not in the mood to put forth any effort today. But as he walked through the doors, a familiar nasally voice jolted some energy in him. That, and of course a nice slap on the back.

 

“Colin! How are you doing today, ol’ pal o’ mine?”

 

“Oh, you know, living the dream, Greg.”

 

Greg smiled wide, his dorky grin, coif, and glasses giving him a resemblance to Buddy Holly. “Aren’t we all?” He kept his arm around the other’s shoulders as he directed them towards the break room for their traditional pre-work cup of coffee. Greg had known Colin for a long time now, about six years, coming in the work place just after Theresa and Colin became an item, after Greg had moved from the United States to Canada due to a want for change at the ripe age of eighteen. He liked seeing new places, and believed that there was more to the world than staying stagnant in one place, and to him it was one of the best decisions he made. He had made a life for himself here, working various labor jobs until he got his bachelors degree and was able to move to better opportunities, such as working for the City of Vancouver.  Being thirty-four now, he wondered how time flew by so quickly. He made many friends and memories along the way, Colin being one of them. They used to work close by in the office until Greg moved up within the system, which placed him on the other side of the building, leaving Colin alone with Theresa in their much closer departments, which left Greg with sour thoughts. Funnily enough, the trio had been pretty close friends initially until one major event caused a rift between Theresa and Greg, and eventually, utter hatred on Theresa's side, and indifference and apathy on Greg's. Greg wasn’t a big fan of the woman, and he let it be known from that point on, never being disrespectful, but always being blunt and short. He wasn’t sure how their relationship was before, but with the way Theresa acted around Colin in their relationships' progression, and the things Colin mentioned to him, the way Colin seemed to change as the years went on, Greg already had a lot of red flags documented in his mind. He wasn't sure how to approach a lot of the situation, but he felt a strange sense that he might do it soon. Aside from just enjoying the other’s company, it’s why he liked to invite Colin out to places, and why he (Colin too, of course) liked the early morning coffee meet ups.

 

“So,” Greg began, opening the door to the break room and heading towards the coffee pot. “How have you been, kitten?” The nickname was an endearment that Greg said to everyone, but it did make Colin feel pretty special.

 

“Oh, I’ve just been… Alright. I’ve been super tired lately.” He said as he grabbed a styrofoam cup and waited for Greg to fill his cup before filling up his own.

 

“I see that. You look like shit, buddy.” Greg always had a knack for putting it bluntly. “Everything alright with the girlfriend?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Greg hummed while pouring his sugar into the steaming liquid, looking up to examine the room as a few people were loitering and leaving and entering the room. The short answer didn't seem to sit right in Greg's stomach, and it seemed to speak more than what it was. “Say, Colin, I think,” he stirred the cup and poured cream. “I want to introduce you to a long time friend of mine.” Greg turned his head towards the other with a relaxed smile.

 

“Oh yeah?” Colin quipped with the slightest hint of sarcasm as he mimicked the same actions as Greg with the coffee and brought it to his lips to blow away some of the steam. “And who would that be? Your best friend and also twin brother, Elvis Costello?” Greg gave a laugh.

 

“Aaah, no, wise guy. He’s just a friend that I’ve known for a while. You may have seen him wandering around the building a couple times, but he doesn’t work in your department, he’s a 9-1-1 dispatcher. Hell it’s hard for me to see him sometimes too- he has rotating schedules every few months. Though, he's as tall as a damn moose, so it's not like he's hard to miss....” A gulp of coffee. “I think we should all meet up. I haven’t seen him in a while because he’s coming off the overnight shift, and I think you’ll like him. Besides, you need new friends and you need to stop being such a hermit and get out and enjoy yourself before you reach your second midlife crisis.” Greg joked, and turned to Colin who stared at the other in slight annoyance at the 'old man joke', quirking an eyebrow with his arms crossed. Greg gave him a cheeky grin before asking, “You in?”

 

Colin twirled the coffee in his cup for a moment. “I think…” He trailed off. He got a little uneasy meeting new people, slightly due to Theresa’s possible reaction- she was always so nervous of Colin having friends because she would think he would leave her and copious other reasons, but it was also due to a bit of social awkwardness. But something in him decided that he needed to say-

 

“We should. Why not, right?” Colin gave a small and bright smile. “It’s been a while. When were you thinking of meeting up?”

 

“Maybe after work tomorrow. Sound like a plan?”

 

“I think it sounds like a plan, Greg.”

 

“Perfect.”


	3. I'm Your Only Friend

 

The rest of that day, Colin was spent thinking about the person Greg was wanting to introduce him to. Chewing on the end of his pencil, he mulled over who it could have possibly been, thinking back to every tall person he had ever caught a glimpse of. There were a lot of them, now that he thought about it, but he tried to sift through faces in his mind, catching glimpses of faces that passed his office and when he went on break, and when he came back. Colin eventually stopped after a while, shaking his head at himself. Not only would he probably not have seen this person because he was one, not in the right department, two, this person switched shifts and had been and was coming off of the overnight, but most of all the third reason, he was acting like a teenager, like this was some major event. In a sense it was, but he really needed to relax, but it was exciting. It felt like a nice change in his life. Even through the rude complaints he received through the phone lines and falling behind in his paperwork, he didn’t let the rest of the day turn sour.

 

Once it came time to go home, Colin was in one of the best moods he had been in a while. It felt like nothing could bring him down. Flipping through the channels on the radio, he stopped once he heard the familiar guitar riff of ‘TNT’ by AC/DC. Deciding that was a fine choice, he focused his eyes on the road once more, tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel and nodding his head slightly to the beat, becoming a little more animated as the song neared closer to its chorus, from tapping his foot to moving his shoulders, and once it did, Colin did something he normally hated, but right now, he could have cared less: he sang, creating a wonderful impersonation of Bon Scott’s vocals, even if it were a little... Off key.

 

_TNT!_

 

“I’m dynamite!”

 

_TNT!_

 

“And I’ll win the fight!”

 

_TNT!_

 

“I’m a power load!”

 

_TNT!_

 

“Watch me explode!”

 

That was his car ride home, if only for fifteen minutes, but it was a good one. It was the little things that made life worth it. He parked his car and hurried up to his apartment door, key already in hand to unlock it.

 

“I’m home, Theresa!” He exclaimed, closing the door and looking around either for her or his cat, starting to take his shoes off and place his keys on the key hook.

 

“Hey, honey! How was work?” Theresa asked with a smile on her face as she emerged from the restroom, visibly getting ready, which struck Colin as a little strange.

 

“Work was fine- actually no, it was fantastic. I don’t even know why, it just was. Just one of those days I guess!” He walked over to her and gave her an engulfing hug. “Where are you going? Are you feeling better from this morning?” he asked politely.

 

Theresa gave him a hug back, but began to squirm away from his touch when he held on for longer than she wanted. She only liked affection on her own terms, something Colin forgot when he was in a particularly affectionate mood himself. It was something he had gotten used to, and was grateful for any affection he could get. “I’m feeling a lot better yeah, I think it was just that I needed to eat something, so a little after you left I ate some breakfast and it helped a lot.” She went back to the bathroom to finish brushing her hair. “I’m just going out with some friends, that’s all, we’re going to see a movie, maybe go to the mall. Sorry I didn’t text you about it, I should have.”

 

“It’s fine, at least you told me now, I don’t mind. I hope you have fun, you just be safe.” he grinned, and went to check the food and water bowl for his cat. “Oh, I gotta tell you something. Just a heads up, I’m gonna be going out tomorrow after work, but I’ll text you when I’m leaving and when I get there.”

 

“Oh? Who are you going to be with?”

 

“Just Greg.”

 

“Oh.” She said shortly. The air became tense, and Colin knew what he had done wrong. But it wasn’t? “Why? I thought you stopped talking to him.”

 

Colin cocked his head in confusion. “I… Never said I stopped talking to him?” his voice lifted in confusion. “You guys are the ones who don’t talk to each other.” Inside, he wished they would talk again, but he couldn’t blame Greg for not wanting to, and respected them both, but it was still a struggle sometimes flipping between sides like he did. Maybe he just missed the nostalgia and memories.

 

“Whatever, but I’m telling you right now, I don’t want you talking to that bastard about me or anything I do or anything in my life, do you understand?” she berated.

 

“I won’t, but one thing you’re not going to do is call him a bastard.” Colin furrowed his brows in anger. When did he get angry? Was he not just happy five seconds ago?

 

“I’ll call him whatever I want, I don’t like him, and I don’t like the things he has said to me!” She yelled, turning on her heel to point her finger in Colin’s face. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t even be questioning me on this, you should know better! You were there when he said the things he did!”

 

Colin was taken aback. He wasn’t going to have this happen again. “Please calm down….”

 

“I _am_ calm. _You’re_ the one who's going around and talking to people who don’t respect me.”   


“He has never said anything about you. We don’t talk about you. If anything, he’s apathetic about everything that’s happened. I’m telling you, there’s nothing to worry about, I promise.” He said, trying to convince her that there was nothing going on.

 

“I wish I believed you but it’s so hard,” she said, her voice breaking with desperation, and she pushed past Colin, bumping him into the doorway, the doorknob colliding with his side, causing him to give a grunt in pain. “I just wish you would understand that I love you so much more than anyone else out there but I guess it just doesn’t matter to you. I just wish others saw me and my emotions as important like how I see everyone else, but I guess it’s just never going to happen and I’m going to be stuck in the same place like always like when I was with my parents.”

 

Colin felt each word pierce into his heart, attacking everything he thought he was. Did he really make her life so miserable? He wasn’t that bad… Was he? “No one is saying you’re unimportant, Theresa…” He put a hand to his side. “I’m just… Trying to tell you that you don’t have anything to worry about, it’s fine. You are important. People do care about you, and you _know_ I do too.” He tried to console her, his words coming out softly.

 

“Do you hate me?” she blurted out.

 

“No I don’t hate you, I have never hated you. I love you.”

 

“Okay…” She trailed off. “Well, I feel terrible now. God today was going so fine and then it just turned to shit...” she said, a bitter undertone coating her voice as she trailed off. Colin swallowed hard, taking all the responsibility of her day turning sour. He shouldn’t have mentioned Greg. He shouldn’t have gotten so sensitive. He felt so, so bad. He could feel the weight of guilt set on his heart, and he moved closer with a bit of hesitation.

 

“I’m sorry, Theresa…” He said softly. “...You still have your friends to hang out with. That’s something to look forward to, right?”

 

“I guess.” She said in a monotonous tone, shrugging and holding herself close. She went to one of her low moods. “I’ll just… See you later, Col. I need some space right now.” She shook her head and went closer to the door. Colin couldn’t help but think about how ironic the situation was: he leaves, she bombards him with texts and calls and hurtful words. She leaves, and he’s left a mess. Not only could he not win, but, he realized that he really would never be treated with the same decency. “Just please think about what you’re doing, okay?” Her voice picked up a little more emotion as she looked at Colin, who was staring back at her, his cat rubbing against his leg, and his face full of tiredness. He nodded, not really knowing what he was going to do. “I love you.”  


“Love you too….” Theresa left, the door shutting softly and the sound of the key locking the door signified that Colin was left to his own devices.

 

It was cold outside, as more snow was beginning to blanket the ground day by day, snow falling at a more rapid rate. He wasn’t sure how long he sat on the balcony chain smoking and sipping on alcohol, but he knew that he was dwindling down his first pack at a slow but steady rate, and was beginning to feel a slight buzz. He could feel his teeth begin to build grime, as if a physical representation of the grime of life attaching itself to him. He could feel his throat burn and become sore, it felt dry to swallow, and he knew that his clothes and hair were going to become stained with cigarette smoke which might take some explaining to do, but he didn’t care. He could feel his body become a little more relaxed, even if his mind stayed a little more focused than he wanted on one thing in particular. All he wanted was to relax, and that’s what he was doing. Smoking and drinking helped him relax, but he knew it was slowly killing him each time he did it. But it was addictive. He continued to look out at nothing, his body getting colder, smoke and oxygen becoming one in the same. Almost as if if it were a clear representation of himself.

 

It was cold, and his body wanted to go inside, but _damned_ if he didn’t finish this pack.


	4. Hello. Again.

The next day Colin woke up in his bed, not exactly remembering how he got there nor when he stopped his self harming escapade. But he was strangely calm, despite his sore and dry throat, and despite the _very_ slight headache. Colin wasn't sure if it was due to a lack of sleep, or maybe due to the amount of alcohol he drank. He looked towards his clock. It was only five-fourty five, a full fifteen minutes before it would be going off. Colin snuggled under the covers more, wishing to fall back asleep and not have to go into work today. It was so cold in the mornings. The only good thing about today was that it was Friday, and the weekend would soon be upon him to relax at home with some good movies and some cheap food. It was something he looked forward to, though his choices in movies were never really picked. Sometimes not even the food. His eyes lidded at the thought of what was supposed to happen after work, and now, he wasn't sure he wanted to go anymore. He didn't want to get yelled at for things he didn't do anymore. He just wanted things to go back how they used to be, back when there were no fights, back when he felt different emotions that weren't negative. It was something he couldn't even remember anymore, almost like bits and pieces of his memories over time became lost and replaced with nothing but unhappiness. Colin felt movement beside him, and he remembered who was there with him. Suddenly, the cold didn't seem uninviting anymore. He sat up and got out of bed, feeling now only anger as he walked over to the bathroom to go about his daily routine.

 

The bathroom, much like the rest of his apartment, was arranged in a specific way. Neat, orderly, pristine. Colin liked it this way, mostly because he enjoyed cleaning. Each week, he cleaned the apartment, each day making his side of the bed before he goes off to work, always keeping things in a pattern. Frankly, he never understood why others found it so hard to complete simple tasks like this, as it took his mind off the things around him, and was one of the more positive outlets that he had to channel his frustrations into. Who wouldn't love that? Sometimes, and he knew this, he could get very nit picky, a little too overly detailed and had to have things just right or else it would bug him through out the rest of the day. Perhaps, it was also his way of keeping some control over his life, since in most other aspects, he had none. Finishing brushing his teeth, he walked back to the room straight to the dresser, and pulled out simple black pants, white dress shirt shirt, and a nice light blue sweater, and walked back to the bathroom to get ready for work.

 

Out of the corner of the room, he heard the alarm begin to go off as he finished tying his shoe laces. Sighing, he walked to the room, and saw Theresa rolling over to turn the clock off. "Morning." he said with no real emotion in his voice. She sat up on her side of the bed and nodded with a yawn. Colin hummed in annoyance, maybe it was for everything. "I'll see you at work."

 

"You're already ready?" she asked, turning towards him, tiredness and slight confusion in her voice.

 

"Yep. Bye, drive safe." he said, shortly, turning to go towards the door and grabbed his keys. He locked the door, and headed out in the darkness.

 

Today had _not_ started out as a good day. Not only had he woken up too early, he woke up angry, he forgot his jacket so he was freezing cold, the radio was playing nothing but terrible new aged music or talk shows he could care less for, there was a wreck that backed him up at least twenty minutes (thank god for going in at seven) and forced him to sit in silence or forced him to listen on repeat new aged songs that over took the radio stations. Eventually, he made it to the job he liked to call a home away from home since he was there so damn much, and with Theresa working close by, it really was just like home, but with more professionalism. He didn't see Greg's Toyota, which upset him more. Maybe Greg was caught up in that wreck like he was. Colin was lucky that he woke up so early to have made the beginning; Greg, maybe not so much. Colin sighed and hurried up the steps, and embraced the warmth of the building. He stood there for a moment, letting himself warm up before heading towards the break room. If Greg couldn't make it this one morning, it was alright. There was the other three hundred sixty-four days of the year to look forward to.

 

There were a few people in the break room loitering and talking before the start or end of their shifts, and Colin went towards the line of styrofoam cups and grabbed one. He waited patiently for the line to die down before finally it was his turn to drink the elixir of life. He had already put his sugars and creamer in the cup, and went to press the nozzle down, letting the scent of coffee fill his entire being. Filling it up about three quarters of the way, he stirred the coffee and watched it turn a nice light brown. He went to turn around, but was met with a bony elbow which knocked his coffee straight to the ground, and on his light colored clothes. Colin sharply inhaled at the sudden sting of coffee on his chest, before staring at the mess on the floor with silent rage.

 

“Great.” he muttered under his breath. One more to the list: no morning coffee.

 

“Crap, I’m sorry! Are you alright?” said the very tall man, who reached over quickly to grab a few napkins to clean up the mess on the ground and stood to hand some more to Colin, whose shirt was already starting to stain and become uncomfortably dry.

 

“Yeup. Just fine. Thanks, buddy.” Colin said shortly as he grabbed the napkins, and his exasperated hazel eyes met those of vexed green ones. Very, very pretty green eyes. For a moment, Colin was lost in them. But, only one, short, moment. He sighed through his nose before shaking his head. “Listen, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. Alright?” He tried to give some sort of small smile to the taller man, even if it wasn’t the most convincing. The taller man continued to look at the other with worry in his eyes and a mouth kept in a straight line. “Ya don’t look like it’s alright.”

 

“I promise it is, okay? Sorry about that, you just have a good rest of the day.” Colin ended the conversation right there, walking briskly over to the trash can to throw the cup away and dabbed at his shirt with the napkins, half assed admittedly, because the shirt wasn’t damp enough for anything to come off of it, leaving the tall man to watch him leave the room and clean the spill on the ground. It was already time for his shift to begin. A shame.

 

The day drug on slowly. Theresa came in on time of course, as usual, trying to give some greetings to Colin who greeted her only one time, and the rest of the day, tried to not only avoid her, but to avoid everyone. He was just so frustrated. With everything that had been happening the past few days, compiled with the past few years, unchecked issues of his own, holding in his feelings, actions and opinions being nitpicked at not only at work but at home, being such a pushover that most people took advantage of, it was beginning to get to him. Why now, he would never understand. But it was draining regardless. And then, as he wrote information on a form to fix a pothole and then to an approval form for a sign on the interstate, he remembered Greg, and their agreement to relax together after work. Colin decided that he wasn’t going to hole himself up in wallow in self pity; he was going out with one of his best friends, he was going to enjoy himself, and no one was going to stop him, not even himself. He was tired of being stagnant. Something had to change. While he had the will, he was going to do it.

 

After work, to which Colin was surprised me made it through, Colin took his time getting out of his desk, mostly due to the fact that he didn’t want to get up just yet. That’s when Theresa came in. She stood near the doorway with her arms crossed.

 

“Are you just going to ignore me all day?” she questioned quietly. And Colin wasn’t in the mood for it.

 

“I’m not ignoring you, I just didn’t want to talk to anyone. It’s not been that great of a day, hun.” he said calmly, never looking up from his desk and continuing to file his papers away and opening the drawer to place the files inside.  “But I am telling you this, I’m not coming home, I’m going out, and I’ll be back later. Alright?”

 

“Oh. So you’d rather be out with someone else than be with your girlfriend? What, am I not good enough company?”

 

Colin bit the inside of his lip to stop his anger from rising again. Everytime, _everytime_ he wanted to do something, there was a problem, there was something not good enough about it, his decision was never the right choice, there was always something that she had to mention about _herself_. He stood up and walked over to her, staring into her eyes. He couldn’t feel anything radiating off of them, nothing but bitterness and a swollen ego, and he struggled to feel love in his heart that he thought he felt for her in their earlier years. It made him think, why did he agree to date her when he was treated as nothing more than dirt on her shoe? Why was it so hard to show his true feelings and be himself around her, to leave if it was so bad, to stop making excuses? Why was he afraid to confront her, to have civil discussion, like a normal healthy couple? _Were_ they healthy?

 

It took him a moment, as anxiety bubbled in his stomach and he swallowed heavily. He was afraid to go against her, but he was just so tired. “Yes ma’am. I would. And I'll be home later.” Simply stated, he walked passed her and towards the front door. He couldn’t believe what he had said as he opened the door to his car, the familiar Toyota, and the PT Cruiser, parked on either side of him. He entered his car and started it up, letting the heat permeate, and flipping out his phone to text Greg where they were going to be meeting up for the evening. It took only a few moments before he got a reply. _Oakwood Bistro._ Now that was something he could get behind. There was nothing like a little comfort food to cheer anyone up.

 

Colin made it to the restaurant with little issues, parking close to the back side entrance and making his way inside. He politely talked to the waitress and reserved a table seated away close in a corner, and waited for Greg, and this mystery guest. He could only wonder what this mystery guest could be like as he sipped on his water, and checked his phone. Surprisingly, Theresa hadn’t bombarded him yet, and he was happy, but also scared. It meant that she could be up to her own devices, and it always made him nervous. Maybe he shouldn’t have talked so harshly to her... Colin played with the condensation on his water glass for a while, letting the soft music and homey ambiance relax him. A familiar nasally voice graced his ears about twenty minutes later.

 

“Colin! There you are!” Greg said, the warmth and happiness reaching Colin’s ears, causing the other to look up in the general direction of it. Greg liked to make his presence known, in a good way of course. The specced man excused himself as he passed other patrons who were sitting down.

 

“Sure am. Good to know your glasses didn’t fail you.” Colin said softly, and watched as Greg made his way over to the table, breathing warm air into his hands and sitting down. “It’s fucking cold outside, man.”

 

“I know, and guess who forgot their jacket at home? I’ll give you a hint, it was me.” Colin gave a chuckle. “So, where’s the friend you said you were bringing?” He asked, taking another sip of water.

 

“ Oh he’ll be here in a couple of minutes.”

 

“Cool.”

 

They sat in silence for a moment, Greg asking Colin about his day, Colin asking him about his. Greg had gotten stuck earlier in traffic, even being ten minutes late for his shift. Calling his boss saved his skin, but it’s also why he got a slight stern talking to after work, which resulted in him not leaving the office until later than he wanted. Dan- the big boss above them all -could be that way, but he didn’t mean too much harm in the end. It was just regulation, especially for Greg being of a higher position. Colin told Greg about how his day didn’t start off so well, neglecting to mention about yesterday’s fight and consequence. He wasn’t ready. But, he did mention how he finally made his own decision, and how liberating yet frightening it was. Greg was proud of him. A bit too proud.

 

“You don’t understand, Colin, that’s something you need to keep doing all the time.” Greg took a sip of his water, his hands animating his emotions. “Listen, this isn’t even about her at this point, it’s about you.” He pointed at Colin. “ _You_ need to realize that when she gets that way, you have all the right to stand up to her. You’re not doing anything wrong by standing up for yourself. In any kind of relationship, friends or not, there has to be boundaries and an equilibrium between everyone. You wouldn’t want me coming around and telling you to fuck off sideways, right? Then why is it okay for her to go past what makes you comfortable?”

 

“You’re right, I know. I guess I’m just afraid of coming off to strong. I don’t want her to be afraid of me. I don’t want to be mean either. Because...” Colin shook his head. “I mean I love her.” He wasn’t sure how true that statement was anymore. Lately, through the love and caring, he loathed her, and it frightened him.

 

“You’re not being forceful. In fact, you don’t really have a lot of spine to begin with- and I say that out of love, promise. And- okay, think about it this way; is it right for her to make you feel afraid and scared of the things you say, or do? You concern yourself with how she might feel if you so much as step ‘out of line’, and yet she doesn’t even care about how the things _she_ says might affect you and continuously turns the situations around. I have seen this first hand. Why do you think I stopped putting up with her bullshit a long time ago? I am not going to sit around as one of my friends gets turned into a walking-talking punching bag. You shouldn’t either, and the fact that you’re even questioning yourself isn’t a good sign.”

 

Colin swallowed at the ferocity in Greg’s voice, wondering if it really was a little worse than it seemed to be from the outside. The conversation was becoming more and more heavy, but he knew on the inside maybe it was something he had to hear, even if he didn’t believe a lot of it. He was still going to be stuck on the notion of trying to make things work, and he knew it.

 

Greg’s voice became a little quieter and he sighed. “I can smell the cigarettes on you, Colin.” Colin’s eyes widened and he felt a wave of embarrassment and disappointment rush through his body. He knows he said he didn’t care if anyone found out, but it was only in theory. “And I don’t want to see you put yourself in that situation, okay? If the things she does and the things she says hurts you to the point of harming yourself, then… Then you tell me who the one at fault is here. I’ll give you a hint,” he said, mimicking the tone Colin used earlier, trying to lift the spirits in some way. “It’s not you.” Greg looked at Colin with sympathy and concern behind the glasses, which reflected some of the light from the fixtures above them. Colin didn’t know what he needed to say, but he wouldn’t have had the time to when Greg felt a vibration in his pocket, and pulled out his phone.

 

“Oh! Speak of the devil, he’s here.” Greg looked towards the entrance, looking for just a minute and when a tall man emerged, he waved his hand over. Colin looked at the man, his face darkened by the light in the restaurant, but when his light came closer and revealed his face, Colin felt his stomach turn. Those pretty, pretty green eyes.

 

“Colin, meet Ryan. Ryan,” Greg pointed at Ryan, who had captured gazes with the balding man and had the same face of surprise, and gestured at Colin. “Colin.”

 

Ryan looked at Colin, whose shirt was still stained from the coffee this morning he noticed, as the moment ran back into his head. He found the situation slightly amusing, and slightly uncomfortable as their first meeting was not the most pleasant. They seemed to be trapped in each other’s gazes before Ryan coughed and went to sit down next to Greg, who watched the scene unfold with a quirked eyebrow, holding a hand out with a smile. Best to make amends now, he thought.

 

“Hi, Colin. Nice to meet you. Again.” he gave a light hearted chuckle, baritone voice polite and kind, but loud and friendly. Colin reached out to shake the other man’s hand, finding the grip soft but strong, and said with a light laugh in his voice as well, “It’s nice to meet you too. Again.”

 

“Alright, boys, tell me what have I missed exactly?” Greg chimed in, resting his head on folded hands and smiling with curiosity. This had ought to be interesting.

 

“Oh um, well… Funny story really,” Ryan said. “I was coming off the clock, I went to get coffee, I turned around too quick and…” Ryan gestured towards Colin’s shirt. “I may have knocked scalding liquid onto this poor man’s shirt and chest.”

 

“And I may or may not have been the biggest asshole to him for doing it.” Colin added, staring at the both of them back and forth, before giving a nervous chuckle. Oh no, he really hoped that this wasn’t ruined before it even began. Great job, Mochrie.

 

Greg looked at both of them in amusement and shook his head. “Wow.” was all he could muster. “Well, fellas,” he began, changing the subject after a moment to ease the awkward tension in the air, and picking up a menu to look through. “The nights going to turn as old as we are if we don’t order some kind of food, so.”

 

The evening started out a little awkward, Colin and Ryan not being able to really start a conversation on their own without Greg’s help, and half the time, it was just one or the other having a conversation with Greg while the other listened. But eventually, it grew easier and easier, and they both found out that they had a lot in common. All three of them loved comedy, and they all enjoyed going to a local comedy club. They all found that they were progressive in thoughts, agreeing on most political issues and issues surrounding the country and its welfare. On simpler notes they found commonality, music tastes, movies, and the fated ‘old person talk’ of the welfare of the next generation. Colin felt his pants pocket vibrate once throughout the evening, turning into a lot of vibrates as the night went on, but continued to ignore the phone. He knew what it was, and it wasn’t going to happen right now, even though it did make his stomach turn. Right now, this was one of the more happier nights he had had in a long time.

 

“So Colin, how did you get in with the city?”

 

“Just through experience and application. I got lucky, I had been applying for years before they finally approved me to go through with the hiring process. It was a wonderful day, to say the least.” He smiled, and took a bite of the sandwich he ordered, covering his mouth as he ate. “What about you? Why a 9-1-1 dispatch?”

 

“It was just a job I saw and I applied for it. I was young too, so… It helped a lot. I never went to college after high school so it helped me pay the bills, got me out of my folks home, and somewhere a lot of people didn’t get to be at that age. I’d say that it was pretty lucky, too.”

 

“Yeah? I don’t know how you do it, I think I would be too nervous. If other’s situations were held in my hands like that… Man.”

 

Ryan shrugged, prodding around to scoop up more food on his fork. “It’s something you never get used to, but, you get used to it, if that makes sense.”

 

Greg stretched and stood from his chair. “I need to head to the bathroom ladies, if you’ll excuse me. Don’t get too comfortable, now.” Ryan and Colin watched as their friend walked away, and sat in uncomfortable silence, eating and drinking their drinks. Colin was the first to break.

 

“Listen, Ryan,” he began, thinking about how to word what he was trying to say. “I um... I’m really sorry about earlier. I was having a horrible day and I lashed out on you, and no matter the situation I shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, _I’m_ the one who spilt hot coffee all over you, I should be the one to apologize.” He gave Colin a soft smile, and placed a hand over his and patted it, but removed it as quickly as he placed it there. “I should have watched where I was goin’. You didn’t do nothin’ wrong, alright? And hey, look at that, fate’s weird, ain’t it? Now we’re here and talking and having a good time _and_ got some resolution.” He grinned at the other, showing off the small gap between his teeth. “The past is the past, it happens, and we move on. Besides, I guess… It gives us something to talk about for the future.”

 

Colin smiled at the other and his genuine kindness. “I guess it does, huh?”

 

They small talked for a while about little things, both finding it a little strange at how comfortable it was talking to each other, but it was brushed under the rug. Perhaps Greg just had a hunch they would all be compatible. Eventually, the latter returned from his bathroom trip, oversharing that the crab ‘had gone through him’. Colin decided that, as Ryan commented to Greg- something about maybe he shouldn’t be so old -he should at least see what Theresa was doing, and talk to her more now that he was in a better mood, and apologize for earlier. He was good at that, apologizing when he didn’t need to. But it helped him feel better in the end. He flipped his phone open, and his heart sunk with the text- one of the fourteen -and what it held.

 

_Maybe I should just go and fucking kill myself if you’re never going to talk to me again._

 

Colin drew in a quiet inhale and looked at the other men across the table, both still infatuated with their banter, and looked back to the phone, typing out a message as he scrolled back to read the rest.

 

_-Why did you walk away like that?_

_-Why aren’t you answering?_

_-Fine then I guess I’ll just go fuck myself_

_-I feel like I give so much to you and then you go and walk all over it and it makes me feel like shit_

_-I just love you so much and I dont know when youre going to be able to realizw that and stop doing things that are making this relationship so hard_

_-im cryinf so bad right now please come home or dont i dont care at this point youre not even talking to me so it must mean you hate me_

_-please dont leave me im sorry im such an idiot i know im a terrible girlfriend but i dont want you to throw it in my face please talk to me please_

_-i love you colin please dont leave me_

_-so i guess this means its over then were nothing anymore_

_-this is why i cant stand that fucking bastard i know hes taking you away from me and hes probably putting some stupid shit in your head that youre too gullible to realize is wrong and i dont know why you cant just listen to me for once on this one thing_

_-why dont you ever listen to me. Then again no one ever does im always the odd one out and im always wrong so i guess it shouldnt surprise me but its stlil a kick in the belly and it still hurts_

_-i really want to cut myself and die a lot buti guess it doesnt matter really i should have done it a long time ago_

_-maybe i should just go and fucking kill myself if youre never going to talk to me again_

 

_I’ll just go kill myself._

 

_I’ll kill myself._

 

_Kill myself._

 

Colin didn’t realize his name was being called, nor did he realize the tension and hyperfocus his face held when he shot his head back up towards the others. “I’m sorry, what?” he said, leaning in.

 

“I said, are you alright you look like something just happened.” Greg said with worry, Ryan not too far behind, though he was more confused and worried versus Greg’s knowing worry. Colin nodded feverishly, standing up. “I’ll be right back, guys, I need…” His eyes darted at Greg. “I need a cigarette.” That was code for, ‘I am not alright, and I need to relax’. Colin left quickly from the table, pardoning himself from the other patrons, and heading towards his car to grab a pack of cigarettes. He lit one between shaking hands, and went forth replying feverishly. When he sent his message, a message of pleas and love and terror, he could feel his knees want to buckle. He stared at nothing in particular as he smoked his cigarette quickly. Once he found it was out a little too quick, he reached for another.

 

“I’d be careful with smoking so many at once.” A deep, calming voice said. Colin turned his head towards the voice, finding Ryan making his way to him with his hands in his jacket pockets.

 

“Oh don't worry about that. I have smoked plenty more than just two in one setting before. Nervous habit.” he shrugged. Ryan nodded slowly in understanding. “How did you know this was my car?”

 

“Well, there's not many people sitting outside in the cold.” Ryan gave a small smile. “Mind if I bum one off you?” Colin kept his own cigarette in his mouth as he nodded, picking one from the pack and handing it to Ryan, along with the lighter.

 

“Where's Greg at?”

 

“Inside, paying. He told me to tell you just pay him back later.” Ryan took a drag and let the smoke blow past his lips. Colin didn't like paying people back, but knew when to back down from that pride. He needed it right now.

 

“Hey, you have a pen?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I should have one in the car.” Colin said, opening the door and searching in the middle compartment where he kept random junk, finding a blue pen.  He closed the door and handed it to Ryan, who took it with thanks and began writing something on a piece of napkin. Out of his eye, Colin saw Greg come into focus with to-go containers.

 

“Here you go, Col.” he said, handing the other the container of food. “ Figured you wouldn’t want to leave without this.” Colin nodded, and thanked him, before feeling the familiar buzzing in his pocket.

 

“I’m sorry to cut this short guys, but I really need to be getting home.” He turned towards Greg with apologetic eyes, the latter of whom did nothing but nod in understanding. Greg tried to not show as much anger or frustration in his face, but he knew it was there. He was too strong in his emotions to hide them. He knew he would be talking to Colin later that night. They stood in silence, Ryan watching Greg go up to Colin to give him a hug and whisper something to him, feeling the wind pick up a little more as the cold of the night began to set upon them. Greg made his goodbyes and walked towards his car, thanking Ryan for being able to make it. When Greg left, it was only the two.

 

“Thanks for coming out Ryan, it was really nice meeting you. I’m sorry I have to leave so soon.” Colin didn’t want to hint at anything. “I hope we see each other around the office more now that you’re not going to be on nights anymore. You're a really great person.”

 

“It’s alright, life gets in the way sometimes.” He smiled. “It was nice meeting you too, Colin. I really enjoyed it. You’re a really cool guy.” Ryan mimicked, handing him the pen and napkin. "Funny how we began and ended on napkins, huh?" he quipped.

"Yeah, except this time it isn't going to be covered in coffee." Colin gave a small laugh. There was a small moment of silence.

“I guess I’ll be heading home too, but… You take care, okay? Drive safe. And please, don’t freeze to death.” He noted, as Colin stood in the ever getting colder wind with no proper shielding, shaking from the cold and his rising nerves.

 

“No promises.”

 

Ryan shook his head at the joke, and waved goodbye as he walked with his gangly limbs back to his own car, leaving Colin to his own thoughts. He quickly got in his own car to escape the cold, and to get home as quickly as he could. He let the car heat as he unfolded the napkin with the pen, and found nothing but a name and number scribbled across in chicken scratch. Even though he couldn’t enjoy being entirely happy at this moment, he still smiled at the fact he got Ryan’s number. He would have to remember to text him later. But until then, he put the car into drive, and left to home.


	5. Recollection

From the moment Ryan felt his elbow collide with a hard side and felt the light sting of coffee drops touch his arm, he knew the day was going to be an interesting one.

 

He hadn’t meant to do it, of course, he was just tired and wasn’t paying attention to where he had been going. Working over nights had taken its toll, and he was really happy that it was the end of his rotation. So, he was going to reward himself with a nice, hot cup of coffee to get himself home, and to get his ass to bed. He walked in as one normally would, ducking ever so slightly beneath the door frame as he was way too tall (he could have fit through it, but it was always close), going to grab a cup, the same old same old. He had been caught up talking to a colleague when he went to turn around, and was met with a flimsy cup and a body, watching with shock as the hot liquid splattered on a man with vibrant colors and the cup fall to the floor.

 

“Crap! I’m sorry. Are you alright?” he had said with worry in his voice, abandoning his own cup to quickly reach for napkins, dropping them onto the floor and grabbing more to hand to the man, who stared in silent rage at the mess before him. Well, his personality sure didn't match the clothes he wore. When the man had gone to snatch the napkins from Ryan’s hands, and they had caught each other’s gazes, Ryan stood only slightly frozen at the emotions that laid behind dark, hazel eyes. He was of course, brought back to reality when the napkins disappeared in haste and he heard mumbling. It’s alright, the balding man said, even trying to shoot a strained smile towards Ryan’s direction as he dabbed at the shirt with no avail of the stain leaving. He could see right through that man.

 

“Ya don’t look like it’s alright.” he retorted, still worried, but only slightly. Maybe he just had an issue with feigned politeness- he liked it when people just got to the point of their feelings instead of covering it up. And when the other man gave his response- ‘have a nice day’ in one of the most sarcastic tones Ryan had _ever_ heard -and left Ryan there standing in a confused and irritated stupor, it only made Ryan shake his head. _What a dick_ , he thought before bending down to clean up the spill and throw away not only the used napkins, but his styrofoam cup as well. At that point, he just wanted to go home, relax, and pass out. Caffeine probably wouldn’t help in this case. Not only that, but he had plans that afternoon with Greg, and another random person, and being a walking zombie wouldn’t be the best thing. Ryan didn’t mind having to be social. He hadn’t seen Greg in ages given his shift rotation, he could deal with another person being there.

 

He ended up going home and stripping from his clothes and passed out for god knows how long. He didn't realize just how tired he was until he found that he was getting a suspicious amount of sleep, and opened his eyes slightly to glance at the clock. Four thirty?  _Ah, shit,_ he thought. Why didn't his alarm go off when it was supposed to? Oh… It was because he had forgotten to set it. In any case Ryan got out of bed and with only light haste, tried to find something decent to wear, settling on a nice button down shirt and some khakis. If he was late, he was late. He was still too groggy to really care, and regardless, it's just how he was. Whatever happens, happens, and if it meant being fifteen minutes late, then so be it. He had been in the middle of finding a coat before he heard a little bell noise, and went to flip his phone open.

 

_Gonna be late. Dan’s chewing my ass, but I’ll be at the Oakwood Bistro around five._

 

"Huh." Ryan mustered, and set his phone away again. If Greg said five, that probably meant don’t leave until fifteen minutes after. He knew better than anyone that when Dan started talking, he wouldn’t stop. So it left Ryan sitting at home and watching the television, settling on the news.  But he let his mind wander to this person Greg was wanting him to meet. He hoped it wasn't some strange attempt to set him up with someone; Ryan wasn't into that sort of thing. Greg liked to pull those surprises every now and then. Why he would never guess, but most of the time, they all fell flat and never went anywhere beyond acquaintance, save about three, maybe four instances when long lasting friendships had been made. More than likely it wasn't going to be the case, and Greg just wanted to spend some time with him and introduce his friends to his friends, but sometimes Ryan felt the need to come a little more prepared for what ever man or woman's questions that could be thrown his way. But he did have to wonder, what would this person be like? Even as the time neared for him to leave, driving there, he wondered. To be expected, though, why wouldn’t you wonder about someone new?

 

He had parked, he had walked in, and upon hearing Greg’s familiar voice he drew closer to the table. And-

 

Ryan’s eyes grew slightly wider at the figure sitting across from him, and Ryan knew by the look on that man’s face that he felt the same surprised emotion. They stared at each other as Greg introduced them, neither entirely sure what they were searching for within their eyes. It was growing uncomfortable and awkward at an alarming rate, yet Ryan found it to be hilariously so. What were the _odds_ that they would be meeting again? Giving a cough, he moved to sit beside Greg and held his hand out to introduce himself. It was best to make amends now before the night got worse. The man didn't seem so upset this time, and if it weren't for the awful meeting earlier setting up the awkward tension, he probably would have had a very comforting presence. To his surprise and relief, the night didn't get worse. It may have started out awkward and a little rough and rusty, but when he found out more about Colin and the things he liked and the way he thought, he felt himself grow fond of the other man. It was strange how easy it was to talk to him, and how easily they all were getting along as if they had known each other for longer. Ryan was hesitant at first, but now he knew that this was going to be one of the moments that lasted for a long time. He wasn't going to be pushy, however. 

 

When Greg left for the bathroom, Ryan and Colin sat and ate in uncomfortable silence. Ryan had debated on whether or not he should speak up about earlier. If it was affecting them this bad, the only way to fix it was to confront it and find some resolution before anything could go forward, because he wasn’t going to be dealing with tension in the air all night. And, if there were any hope for any sort of friendship, this wasn’t how it should begin. But Colin broke first, apologizing for something he didn’t need to apologize for.

 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m the one who spilt hot coffee all over you, I should be the one to apologize.” Ryan had said, placing his hand over the other's in an attempt for comfort, but quickly took it away when he realized that it was a boundary he felt he had no permission to cross, even if it did seem to calm the other down a little. But, he did a good job in covering it up with smiles and comforting words. Colin seemed to be a lot less tense and a lot happier after that, and it had released a lot of that tension that built up in the air. Ryan was thankful for it, and was more thankful for Colin's agreement to his words about future endeavors together. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he felt like this was all going to work out in the end, like it was supposed to happen. Almost as if this was all a big set up by fate herself. Ryan wasn’t complaining. But when Greg came back, well, that's when the rest of the night went a little faster than it needed to go. He saw from the corner of his eye that Colin had looked away for a moment, which wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Probably checking his phone. Ryan was to busy messing around with Greg to really pay attention. But when Greg and Ryan looked back again, Colin was fixated at his phone (or maybe a spot on the ground) with a hardened and dreadful look. Greg calling Colin's name twice was what broke him out of his trance. Ryan knew there was some shared knowledge between the two, because Greg had a much different expression of concern than he did. It struck a curiosity within him. What could make a man so fearful? That’s when Colin rushed off briskly, and left Greg and Ryan there alone. Greg was biting his lip in aggravation. And Ryan was sat there confused.

 

“Is everything alright with him?” Ryan had asked slowly, munching on a few fries. Greg was already hunting down their waitress for the check and to-go boxes, and he gave a heavy sigh.

 

“If my suspicions are correct, no, no he’s not.” Greg trailed off, switching from seriousness to politeness when a waitress came around and he asked for the check. “Ryan,” Greg waited for the waitress to walk off before continuing. “Colin… It’s complicated.” He shook his head. “It’s his girlfriend. It’s not my business to share, so I won't, but know that when he gets like that, it’s his girlfriend. She’s no good, Ryan. She’s just no good.” Greg went to squeeze the bridge of his nose, clearly more worried than he liked to let on. “That’s _not_ counting a lot of other reasons.” Greg turned to Ryan. "That's actually the main reason I wanted you guys to meet. I thought you guys would get along together, and clearly you have. Check one, right? But, it's also because Colin really needs to get out of that house and meet more people and make more friends. She isolates him to hell and back, Ryan. And for some reason, no matter how hard I try, he just... Is so damn _oblivious_." Greg spat the word out with bitterness. He just couldn't understand why Colin continued to put up with this even though there were clearly red flags right in front of him, and when it put a strain on his other relationships with other people. Why was it so hard to just up and go? Colin had support, but maybe it wasn't enough. It hurt Greg much more than he showed, because they were so close, and he wished Colin would just _listen_. But Greg could put aside his feelings for a moment. "I'm not saying be his keeper. He's a grown man, he'll figure it out eventually." Greg sighed. "I'm just saying, be a friend."

 

Ryan was a little bit surprised at the fact that Colin was in a relationship, but he was more surprised at the urgency and the slight mystery surrounding it and the mystery surrounding Colin himself, which made his curiosity bubble more. Ryan looked in the direction that Colin had run off to, his head resting in his folded hands as he pondered over everything that had happened, and the hints he was given. That’s the moment he decided he wanted to know more, that he wanted to know Colin more. Not out of pity or sympathy, but just to know him as a person. Being Colin's friend was made easy enough tonight, and feelings like that might come down the road, but that's not why he wanted to try. Maybe it was in part of his job too, working for a position that instilled a sense of need to help others out of situations. It also helped him learn to stay in control of his emotions, to be more calm unlike his early years, but it was hard not to let feelings rise even if he was good at not showing them. Maybe it was in part due to a strong, intuitive feeling: _Go give it a try; talk to him._

 

“I’ll be outside Greg.” He had said as he placed money on the table to pay for his portion of food, and grabbed his coat and walked out the restaurant, searching the parking lot and stuffing his hands into his pockets, the air from his mouth manifesting itself. He walked around half the building when he saw Colin next to his car, smoking like he said he was, seeing that he was taking big hits and discarded the old one and immediately went for another.

 

“I’d be careful with smoking so many at once.” Ryan said, and the other spoke with little amusement in his voice. They stood out there talking, Ryan smoking alongside Colin after taking one cigarette. He wasn’t going to pry, and he wasn’t going to let on that he got information that Colin didn't know he knew. He just wanted to talk like they had been the whole evening. Bounding into a situation one had no idea about was never the best idea: experience on that one. For all he knew, it could be one big misunderstanding. This time talking didn’t seem to affect the other in a positive way as much as it had, but if it was doing any sort of good, then that had to count for something. Ryan had asked for a napkin, and wrote his number down as Greg walked into view. He heard Colin and him talk while he sat in the background, smoking ever so slowly and gazing off into the distance. When Greg went home, it was just the two. They talked, Ryan handed him the napkin, and soon they both left. 

 

That’s where it led Ryan to now, driving home and not really listening to the music that played in the car. The entire day was eventful, and very, very strange, and he was left in a stupor of thought. Eventually he made it to his house again, and went inside. It was a little bit disorganized, but at least it was free. Ryan went to undress and actually get ready to relax and not have to do anything for the next two days. He went back to square one: sit on the couch with a beer and watch television. There wasn’t anything good on, aside from the news or an occasional documentary. He hadn’t realized how much time had passed, until he heard a sound from the other room. It was strange, hearing a soft sound in a big, quiet space. Ryan got up and went to go check his phone, and saw an unidentified number.

 

_-Hi, Ryan. It’s Colin. A little late, I know, sorry. Thanks for giving me your number. It’s good to know I made a good first impression. I’ll talk to you soon, I’m heading to bed. Good night._

 

Ryan felt his mouth pull into a small smile. He was happy to know that Colin was alright, and that he messaged him back in the first place.  _Yeah,_ he thought.  _This will be fine._


	6. That Was The Punchline, You Must Have Fallen Asleep

It had been about two months since Ryan had met Colin in the restaurant, and they had grown closer every day thereafter. There was something one felt about the other that they couldn’t place, but it drew them in more and more every time they saw each other. Unfortunately, they hadn’t had the opportunity to see each other outside of work often, nor inside the office either. It turned out they worked on different sides of the building, and when Colin took his breaks, he was always with Theresa, and he never waited outside of work because he always went home to her, so Ryan and Greg would be left together most times. Not only that, but Ryan never got to work as early as Colin and Greg, who always showed up thirty minutes prior to their shift for their pre-work coffee ritual. To Ryan at least, it helped in making the time that they did see each other more worth while. However one day, fate decided she wanted to rear her head again, and Ryan had arrived a little too early to work, for no apparent reason other than claiming insomnia. He had caught Colin and Greg on their way to their morning coffee, and of course, Ryan tagged along. And then he continued to tag along after, not minding getting out of bed a little earlier if it meant that he would be able to see two people he cared about. For Colin, it meant having another thing to look forward to during the work week, and it brightened his mood. He already looked forward to seeing Greg daily, and now there was more. Seeing each other those extra thirty minutes before the work day had led to an increase in their conversations outside of work. It started out very seldom, sending each other small events that happened during the day, only a few times a week. But then it began to grow into an everyday occasion. Ryan would get funny photos from Colin, he would send some as well, they would find information on different showings of comics coming in town at their favorite club. It was the little things and the little moments that Colin looked forward to in these conversations, the actions while they saw each other, the happiness it brought him. He wondered if Ryan felt the same way. Unbeknownst to him, lurking grey eyes seethed in jealousy.

 

Colin was by far much happier than he had been in weeks, and treasured the feeling. It was amazing what a little more serotonin could do. He woke up most mornings feeling something he hadn’t felt for years, and he felt more affectionate and love towards Theresa. Maybe all the tension was just him and his depression, and he just needed a more positive outlet to make their relationship better. He had made sure to set boundaries with Greg and Ryan in the beginning so Theresa would feel more comfortable. Watching a movie? The phone goes away, letting Ryan or Greg know that he was going to be off limits. Going out? Texting to a minimum. He wanted to make sure he set those boundaries so Theresa wouldn’t think he was ignoring her or setting her off to the side, because it made her insecure. There had been times in the past which he completely flaked on others just to spend time with her and keep her happy, resulting in small rifts between him and his friends. He didn't like that it created rifts, but he had a hard time trying to please everyone and give everyone the time and attention they needed and deserved. It stressed him out to no end, but this time, he thought it was different. She paid no mind to his conversations, she seemed like she was alright with it. And that made Colin happier, and made him relax. He felt like he could start to be himself around her. He felt like he was finally getting something he chased endlessly for: her love, her respect, her approval. But she was anything but.

 

It was a calm night, colder as the evening died away. Colin and Theresa sat on the couch, watching a movie that she had picked out that she really wanted him to see. Reservoir Dogs, it might have been. Colin wasn’t sitting too close to her, because she liked having affection on her own accord, and while it made Colin sad, he respected her in that case. She was watching and talking here and there, explaining why certain things were how they were and their correlation (she was a major film buff). Colin was paying attention, really liking this movie and he was interested. It was definitely one for the DVD collection. His phone went off a couple times, and he took one moment to look over what they held a while after they had been sent, and couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping his mouth.

 

“Theresa, look at this.” He went to share the photo to her, thinking she would love it, but she only stared, and quickly paused the movie before standing up to walk to the kitchen. Colin was watching her, confused, and concerned. But he thought maybe it wasn’t best to engage the situation, and tried to pay attention to something else. He had been trying different approaches to Theresa and her moments to lessen the blows, trying to find some healthy outlet so he wouldn’t get the butt of the attack, but so that maybe she could find a better way to let her steam off. He ran his hands through his thinning hair, not sure if he should speak up or let her be the first to talk.

 

“Colin,” she began. “Do you like being around me?” He looked back to her.

 

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

 

“Well… It just seems like you’re a lot more invested in other things. Like you’re always leaving me in the mornings and it's been going on for a long time now, and I don't like it but I've been keeping my mouth shut. But lately you always have your nose buried in your phone, you don’t pay attention to anything that I do but you’re always going on and on about this person that I don’t even know and it’s really annoying when I’m trying to spend time with you.”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not meaning for it to come off that way.” Colin stood up and began a slow walk to her. “We can find a compromise. What do you think I can do to make you feel less lonely?”

 

“Stop leaving me in the mornings and stop talking to this dude so much.” She said immediately, like it was already on the tip of her tongue prior to this conversation. Colin shook his head.

 

“I can stop going on some days, but you know that’s the only time I really get to see Greg… Is that okay, if I stop going some days?”

 

“What’s the point in compromise if you’re not going to give and take, Colin?” She turned quick to face him. “Why even bother to bring it up?”

 

“Well… I’m always spending time with you. I love you, but I love my friends too.”

 

“Yeah your friends who hate your girlfriend and wishes she weren’t around.” She spat out bitterly under her breath. “God, you’re just so stubborn, you don’t even listen to me.” She walked past him out to the living room again. It was silent for a moment while Colin tried to piece together a careful response.

 

“What if it was three days out of the week? Would that be okay?” He was trying to find some sort of way to make her happy, and when she got like this, the only way he knew was to sacrifice everything he had. He never really noticed it, but he did it often. He had always done it ever since he was a young child. He would always give up more than he needed to if it would make her feel happy. It never made him feel happy, and on occasion it made him angry that he gave so much, but it made him feel like he was doing something right.

 

“No, it’s not. It’s not enough. I want you and I don’t want anyone else to have you.” She said softly in desperation. “God, just forget it Colin, do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore.” She ran a hand through her hair, and shook her head. Colin was confused. He wasn’t sure what he had done wrong. He didn’t think he did anything wrong. He approached her with caution, and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Theresa-”

 

“Don’t _touch_ me!”

 

It all happened in a blur. Theresa spun around, and punched him square in the left eye, sending him off balance as he was caught off guard. The sound of shattering glass and the hard metal chairs falling over as Colin’s body collided with them replaced the awkward tension in the air, and he found himself on the ground, feeling his sides in pain, and feeling pain in his eye. He had curled in onto himself, one hand gripping the table and one hand over his eye, and he stared up at her in disbelief. She stared back at him with shock in her eyes, not believing what she had just done. That’s when she ran to the room, and slammed the door, leaving Colin a mess on the floor. He sat there for a while, his mind turning to what had just happened, and giving himself a second to recover before he tried to stand up again. He shuffled to the bathroom, and took a washcloth to cold water, lightly pressing it against the eye. Out behind him, he could start to hear the sounds of sobs become louder, and a little more hysteric. He paid them no mind. He walked back out into the living room, and sat on the couch in silence. The TV had gone blank as the DVD image bounced from side to side, and he was left with only the sounds of sobs to fill the void.

 

He heard his phone ring after a while. He glanced over to it, and saw Ryan’s name once he flipped the phone open.

 

_-Hey Colin, here’s a really terrible joke for you. I thought of it while I was spending time with my niece. What princess is great at telling jokes?_

 

Colin only stared at it, and felt nothing. No happiness, no want to reply. A much different feeling than he was used to when it came to Ryan. Part of him wanted to tell Ryan what had happened, but, he was still trying to comprehend it himself. He heard the bedroom door open, and went to shut his phone, and kept staring at the screen doors to the balcony. It was as if she heard the phone ring and came to stop any sort of communication he could have gotten out. Maybe that was just his mind running through different thoughts.

 

“Colin?” Theresa asked, stepping closer. “Colin….” She sat down in front of him, making him look at her. “I’m sorry, Col.” That blasted name. She went to hug him, and started crying again into his shoulder. “I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry, I’ve just been so stressed out, and I’ve been angry, I’ve been lonely, and today at work didn’t help because I almost blacked out because of my blood sugar, people yelled at me, I just- I’m sorry.” She kept crying into his shoulder for a while, Colin didn’t want to hold her. “I’ve been scared for you too. I know you like this person and all, but you barely know him and you _know_ how you get. You are so oblivious and trusting and gullible, Col, I’m afraid he’s using you.”

 

“I don’t think he’s using me, Theresa.” That was the first time he spoke for the whole night, and it came out quieter than he wanted.

 

“But you don’t _know_ that. I’m trying to look out for you, please listen to me for once on this.” She backed away from him, her face red and tear stained. “I know I’m never right and I’m an idiot but I think I can at least know when my best friend is going to get put through a world of hurt. You _know_ how you get.” She pleaded. “If… If you stop going so much in the mornings, and you stop talking to this guy so much, it would make me very happy. Please...”

 

Colin didn’t want to fight anymore. He was so tired, his face and body hurt. “Okay. I can try that.”

 

“You don’t sound like you want to, and it’s going to make me feel bad if you do it out of pity.”

 

“I-...” He sighed. “I’m gonna do it because I want to. I don’t want to ruin our relationship. Okay?” She gave him a smile, and held him close, and more tears escaped her eyes and wetted his shoulder, and he held her back. He just wanted things to be alright. Maybe it’s just how it had to be for it to be that way. Give a little, take a little. Give a little…. Take a little….

 

Colin heard his phone vibrate on the table as he was getting ready to go to sleep, hoping that his eye wouldn’t bruise badly for work in the morning. He went instinctively to check it, but decided not to. He laid down and curled up between the blankets, and wished Theresa would hold him like she meant it. He felt cold under all these blankets, even with her right next to him radiating heat against his back. He waited for her to fall asleep before he flipped his phone open.

 

- _Ra-pun-zel. That was the punchline, guess you must have fallen asleep. See you tomorrow._

 

“Oh, Ryan….” Colin shook his head and placed the phone back on the stand, and willed himself away to sleep. Please, let him sleep.


	7. Realization

The next day, Colin wasn’t there to join Greg and Ryan in the morning. It surprised Greg the most, as Colin hardly ever missed their morning coffee ritual. He stood as Ryan went to grab his coffee, always settling on black with little creamer, no sugar. It would throw his insulin off balance if he did otherwise. Greg went next, and tried to think nothing of it any further as he filled his cup up. They were all adults here, and they all had their space to do what they wanted. That wasn’t the problem. Greg wasn’t trying to belittle or patronize his friend like a child, and he wasn’t trying to worry for the sake of it, like a mother over her children. It’s just it was a little sudden. No warnings, and Colin was the kind of person who gave a heads up if he weren’t going to make something. Greg’s mind went to a more plausible explanation which involved a brunette woman with sociopathic tendencies.

 

“Earth to Greg.” Ryan snapped his fingers in front of Greg’s face. _Man, people around here really like to zone out_ , he thought. “I know it’s early buddy but you can’t go zombified already, we haven’t even clocked in yet.” Ryan gave a small laugh while he drank the liquid life, hoping Greg would do the same to shoot some life into tired features.

 

“It’s never too early to zombify yourself, Ryan, we’re already faking a front as it is with all these people who call, why not go the extra mile? It might get you brownie points!” He said, trying to form a joke but his mind was tired. He sipped on his coffee and checked the time. Fifteen minutes until clock in, and still no Colin. _Well_ , he began to think. _Aw well._ Soon enough, it was time to get on to work. Greg had caught a glimpse of Colin throughout the day, but it was clear that the other didn’t want anything to do with anyone. All Colin wanted was to stay by himself. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts, which he wasn’t happy with because he was at work and he couldn’t focus on anything. All he could think about was yesterday’s events, and how his eye hurt and swelled despite his efforts to keep it down. He thought about Theresa’s words, and her feelings as he filled out his forms to send to the next department for approval; were he and Ryan getting too close, too fast? Was he putting trust into that man too blindly? Maybe… Maybe he was.

 

Colin avoided Ryan and Greg all day, which wasn’t hard considering they didn’t see each other inside the office anyways. But he made absolutely sure about it today. And for the following week. And then the next. Colin denied every message, most every call (you can’t escape Greg for very long, he was very persistent, and Colin wasn’t ungrateful), every attempt at an invite out, because he was afraid of what Theresa might do. He didn’t want to fight anymore. And he didn’t want to have these conflicting feelings anymore, not over Theresa, not over Greg, not over Ryan. Especially over Ryan. Ryan made him feel happy, he liked his humor, he liked that he gave him respect, he liked having another friend to talk to that _didn’t_ necessarily know everything that was going on at home. On some level, they had developed a small understanding of the other, some thing he didn’t exactly have with anyone, which was one of the little things he liked about their friendship. They _did_ get really close, it seemed. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea. He wasn’t so sure of a lot of things anymore.

 

The sudden withdrawal didn’t make Ryan concerned initially, not like Greg. To him, it was just a sign of wanting to be alone, to recharge a social battery of sorts. Colin didn’t seem like the kind of person who would want to be around many people for long, and not only that, he had a girlfriend who took up most of his time. But it started to become concerning when Colin completely stopped showing up in the mornings, without a word or say. And when their conversations outside of work died completely. It dwindled down to how it had begun, only a few texts here and there from Ryan, and little to no replies from Colin, not even to the more concerned texts. It had been going on for a few weeks at this point. The taller man was clocking out for the day as he was filtering through every conversation they had, wondering if it was something he had said or done to make Colin feel uncomfortable, and the ones he had with Greg, wondering if it was something other than that. If there was something wrong, Colin was very good at hiding it, and Ryan wasn't going to pry if he didn't feel like it would be pushing buttons he wasn't allowed to press. Ryan pursed his lips and shook his head as he walked out the building. There’s no way _one_ person could make someone act like this, but the thought lingered. That’s when he saw Colin walk by in front of him, head low and reaching into his pockets. Ryan caught up with Colin before he escaped home. “Hey Colin, hold on a second.” Colin turned around, and flinched slightly at Ryan’s raised hand, but it rested against his shoulder, and not his face. “Can you talk for a minute?”

 

“Uh, sure, Ryan. What’s up?” He said carefully, fiddling around with the keys in his hand.

 

Ryan smiled, thankful that Colin didn’t say no, and took his hand from Colin’s shoulder. “I was just wanting to catch up with you for a second, I haven’t heard from you in weeks, and Greg and I haven’t seen you either. Have you been alright?”

 

“I’ve been perfectly fine, Ryan. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ve just been a little stressed out that’s all. Been needing some time to myself. And you know, spending time with Theresa and all that.” His words were a little short and to the point, and he gave them with a shrug.

 

Ryan didn’t completely believe Colin. If things were alright, he wouldn’t be isolating himself. But he was going to put a little trust in the balding man. “Yeah? Well… As long as that’s all that’s going on....” Ryan trailed away from the topic, and got up the gall to ask his next question. There was no way this was going to be resolved if he didn’t try to help it move forward past its stagnant state. “Are you busy tonight?”

 

“It depends. Why?”

 

“There’s a movie Greg and I are going to see at about six- it’s just an old rerun of The God Father down at the theatre, nothing special. You should come along. Maybe getting some fresh air will do you some good if you’ve been so stressed out. If it makes you feel more comfortable, why not invite your girl along?” He suggested with a smile. “It doesn’t need to just be only us.”

 

“Oh… I would but, she and Greg don’t get along too well.” Ryan had forgotten that part. “And she made some plans for us tonight anyways, I don’t know how happy she’ll be if I cancel them.” Colin gave a small smile and went to turn away to unlock his car. “Thank you for inviting me though, I appreciate that.”

 

“It’s no problem. Hey, Colin?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“If I might ask, what are you guys doing tonight?”

 

“Just… Watching a movie she picked out. She’s been wanting me to see it for a long time, and I finally gave in. I’m thinking of making dinner or something, hopefully she’ll like it.”

 

“Is that something _you_ want to do?”

 

Colin felt slightly offended by the remark, and turned towards the other, staring him down. “Yes. Yes it is.” He said bluntly. He knew Greg must have been telling the other about his home life, or hinting to it in some fashion, and that’s what really set him on edge. Greg just didn’t understand, and sometimes it felt like he didn’t know how to back off and let Colin try to take care of things himself. Though, how far was it really getting him if he was backed into a corner like a scared puppy avoiding everyone he knew? But he couldn’t find it in himself to get angry. If anything, he was surprised at the particular question itself, and he was angry at the fact that it made him think, not that it made him angry at Ryan. There was a slight pick up in the wind.

 

“You sure?” Ryan asked, staying calm, keeping his eye contact. Colin wasn’t sure why it was so easy to tell him the truth.

 

“I mean… It’s not necessarily something I want to do _all_ the time, she and I are _always_ watching a movie. And she likes to pick them out a lot, _but_ I don’t mind. I mean, I mind sometimes, but it’s not like it bothers me too much. That’s what couples do, they sacrifice things.”

 

“Well... As long as you’re alright with that, and you’re both happy, then that’s good.” Ryan started to walk off in the other direction towards his car as he felt the wind picking up, and waved back to Colin. “I’ll see you around, okay? Get home safe.” Colin waved back, and went to his car, getting inside of it. On his drive home, he pondered over the question. Was it something that he wanted to do? No it wasn’t. In fact there were more times than not when he just went with the flow and did most of the things she liked, not really bothering to voice his wants. That was his own fault, he knew. But, what were his other options? If he said no, she might get upset, or she wouldn’t pay as much attention to what he’d like to do unlike the amount of attention he had to give when it was something she liked to do. Even if he wanted to, it would eventually turn into something completely different, and that would make him feel unimportant and annoyed. That's not what he wanted. He didn’t even realize that he had made it home quicker than he expected. His mind had gone completely on auto pilot. He stared up at the apartment window, and got out of his car.

 

“I’m home.” He said, closing the front door. Theresa was in the kitchen eating a sandwich as she waved over the counter top. “Hey. How was work?”

 

“Good. You got home early.”

 

“Well, it was because of the over time I got on Saturday, I asked if I could just leave a little early today and they said it was alright.”

 

Colin nodded, and went to change out of his work clothes into something more comfortable. He thought about the invitation Ryan had given him earlier. Coming back out of the room, he and Theresa talked for a little while in the kitchen, Colin sitting down on the metal dining room chair, having an actual decent conversation where they were both engaged. It was little discussions, talks about films, talks about different languages, talks about philosophical things. It was nice, and it's what made Colin want to stay in the relationship. Things weren't bad all the time, just some of the times. Colin had been thinking about Ryan and Greg throughout the conversations, checking his phone subconsciously as he watch the time tick by. He had been ignoring them. He had been cooped up for a while, and… Maybe he could ask just this once. It was something he really wanted to do.

 

“Hey Theresa listen, I’m thinking… There’s actually a movie going on tonight at the old theatre downtown- you know the one that shows _really_ old movies? I’m thinking about going to see it.”

 

“Oh? What movie is it? We should totally go and check it out!”

 

“Well… It’s not one of the movies you like. It’s a rerun of Austin Powers.” Why was he lying? “I was thinking, you know, it’s just been stressful at work and I thought maybe if I could go and have a laugh it would cheer me up more. Do you think that’s okay?”

 

“I mean… It’s fine, if you want.” Theresa said, slight confusion in her voice. “I’m not your mom, you know, you can go and do whatever you want to.” Colin was surprised that worked, and felt happiness run through him.

 

“Well… Awesome. I’ll just go get ready then.” He got up from his chair.

 

“What, already? When does it start?” Theresa followed him into the bedroom and watched him find and change into something nice: a vibrant blue long sleeve, dark pants. She wondered why he was getting to dressed up to see something so casual.

 

“Six. Sorry I know it’s really late notice, I didn’t know how to bring it up. Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you since I’m not going to be around tonight to watch the movie you wanted.”

 

“Anyone else going to be there?”

 

Yes. “Nope,” he said. “Just me. I don’t really want to be around lots of other people, I just want to go for the movie, hun.” He reassured her. He didn’t grab a coat, because he had left one in the car. He felt a little anxious, wondering if she would suspect anything or find out he was lying somehow, and he felt a little bad for doing so. It shouldn’t have to be this way. But he couldn’t back out now. He’d probably crack and tell her the truth later. Colin leaned in and gave her a small kiss. “I’ll be back later, okay? Do you want anything for dinner?”

 

“I’ll text you and let you know if I think of something.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

Colin was driving for at least thirty minutes down the highway. It was busy on Fridays, of course. Everyone was getting off for the weekend, they wanted something to do. And of course, people left work around this time, so traffic backed itself up. He was lucky that he knew how to navigate the back roads, or else he would be in a world of hurt. He wasn’t so lucky with the parking, however. In downtown, you had to show up early or else you had to go off a little ways to park and walk to your destination, or you had to pay to park. Regardless, Colin found a little spot to park, and walked towards the theatre. It was slightly bustling tonight, but he knew it would get a lot more so later on as the night went on. Hopefully, there wasn’t going to be a lot of traffic going home.

 

Colin made it to the ticket counter, and he waited in line. He looked around for Greg and Ryan, not really expecting them to be around, but he had a little hope for it. It wasn’t time for the movie to start yet, so if they had already gotten their tickets and were inside, they might be getting food.

 

“Hi,” he said approaching the ticket counter. “One adult ticket for The God Father, please.”

 

“Of course sir.” The teenaged girl said, printing out the ticket and handing it to him through the hole in the glass. She told him his total, and he paid, thanking her as he walked inside to the theatre, embracing its warmth. He handed his ticket to the hopper. He bit his lip, and headed over to the concession stand, and searched for the two. Or the one. He wasn’t sure who would be here by this point. Colin didn’t see them, so he pulled out his phone, and hovered over Ryan’s name. No, maybe he shouldn’t call Ryan. He called Greg instead. He held the phone to his ear and let it ring, eyes gazing over the menu of food.

 

_“Well hello there, captain invisible.”_

 

“Hey, Greg. What are you doing right now?”

 

 _“Driving to the movies. Why, what’s up?”_ Damn.

 

“No reason. I’m at the movies too and I was looking for you and Ryan.”

 

_“Oh! You’re deciding to come out of your hermit hole and join us?”_

 

“Yes, Greg, I am.” Colin shook his head. “But if you’re not here yet, then let me go ahead and call Ryan and see where he is, you ass.” He said the name endearingly, but he knew that it was true to an extent. He paused. “You’re always late to everything, aren’t you?”

 

 _“I like to call it, arriving fashionably late, Col.”_ The other laughed on the other side of the phone line. _“I’ll be there in like five minutes, so get off the phone before I get in a crash.”_

 

“Jesus, Greg, alright, bye.” He stifled a laugh and shook his head as the phone hung up, and he went to dial Ryan’s number. Colin wandered around next to the stand, not wanting to get in anyone’s way- he didn’t know what he wanted anyways -his hand in his jacket pocket and he gnawed at his lip. He didn’t know why he was so nervous.

 

 _“Hello?”_ A deep, and comforting voice answered the phone, and it made the knot in his stomach grow and lessen simultaneously.

 

“Hey Ryan. Where are you at?”

 

_“I’m at the theatre right now. Why, you alright?”_

 

“No I’m fine. I’m actually here. At the, uh, at the theatre.” Colin walked over towards a more empty spot.

 

 _“Really?”_ Ryan’s voice lifted in happiness over the phone, and it made Colin smile.

 

“Yeah. I was actually trying to find you and Greg, but Greg isn’t even here yet. So where are you?”

 

_“I was actually about to get inside the actual room- hold on, I’ll come out and find you.”_

 

“Okay.” Colin heard the phone hang up, and he waited. Colin fiddled around with the phone in his hand, and placed it back into his pocket and crossed his arms, and he waited for Ryan. He found himself staring off into space, thinking and continuing to absentmindedly fiddle with his keys. A nervous habit. But his thinking was disturbed by a hand touching his shoulder, and it made him jump a little. Colin turned around, and there was Ryan, grinning with a quirked eyebrow.

 

“Hey. Caught you at a bad time?”

 

“No, you didn’t.” Colin said softly. “Wait in line with me? I want to get a drink.”

 

“Sure.”

 

They waited in line together, Ryan standing a little close as they talked about the day, and told each other little jokes. Colin didn’t mind Ryan being so close. It made him feel happier, safer. Colin welcomed it. He got his drink, and got Ryan and Greg a drink too, insisting on it despite the shower of ‘no’ and ‘it’s okay’. Colin ended up shoving the drink in Ryan’s hand- “Just take the damn thing!” -and they walked to the room. The movie hadn’t begun yet, but it was in the middle of its previews. Strange, watching new movie previews on a movie that was at least thirty years old. They found seats near the middle, Ryan going first and Colin second. They both wondered where Greg was at, but he definitely was going to be there within the first few minutes of the movie starting. Greg really liked this movie. Ryan and Colin continued to exchange words, critiquing the movies and the actors who played in them as they waited. Greg did show up, and was thankful for the drink that Colin got for him.  

 

It was a long movie, of course, but it was a good one. Colin hadn’t seen it in forever, and he was happy he got to see it with the two of them, and was more happy that there wasn’t any tension in the air with them. Colin wasn’t exactly paying attention to the entire movie. There were times that his mind wandered off and his eyes focused on the man next to him. He caught himself everytime he did it, and wondered why he was doing it in the first place. But he couldn’t help himself. He studied the features of the other man; a sharp jawline, soft green eyes, tanned skin, lightly curled, short brown hair. Gunshots in the movie drew him back to reality. And the next time Colin decided to look again, his eyes met green ones. He darted his away, keeping a poker face, and sipped at his drink.

 

The movie was over close to ten, and the theatre silently spilled out of the door ways. The trio made their way towards the sides of the theatre.

 

“Well, Colin, I’m sure glad you could make this showing, buddy.” Greg chimed up. He walked towards the bathroom, but with the line as long as it was he shook his head. “Fuck that, I’d have better luck pissing in a bottle in my car.”

 

“That’s pretty gross, Greg.” Ryan chimed up, excusing himself as he bumped into other patrons of the theatre.

 

They all stood outside for a while, having some cigarettes and waiting out traffic. When it got later, Colin checked his phone, and decided that it was best for him to leave. Greg said that he would wait for Ryan, as he didn’t want Colin walking to his car alone.

 

Ryan and Colin walked in silence towards Colin’s car. Colin wished that the walk was longer, but it wasn’t. It was cold, they both wanted to go home, and it was dark enough as it was.

 

“It was nice seeing you again. You seemed a lot happier tonight.” Ryan said.

 

“Yeah? Well, it’s hard not to be when you’re around good company.” Colin smiled and dug around in his pockets for his keys. “Sorry I’ve been a hermit lately. And that I haven’t really been responding to you. And ignoring you and Greg. It’s just been stressful.”

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it, Colin.” Ryan placed a hand on Colin’s shoulder. “You have a life too, it gets busy. I’m just glad you’re alright. Greg and I were really concerned for a minute. You know, if you ever really feel that stressed out, you can talk to me, okay?” Colin smiled and nodded.

 

“Thanks for the offer. I’ll make sure to keep it in mind.” Ryan smiled, and went in to give Colin a hug. It was cautious, and it was soft.

 

“I’ll see you around, Col.” The name, for once, sounded right coming out of someone’s mouth. Colin hugged Ryan tighter, and the feeling was reciprocated. “Be safe going home, okay?”

 

“I will, Ryan. You too.”

  
As he watched Ryan walk away again, he felt sadness tug at his heartstrings. Colin sighed, and went to unlock his car. He wanted Ryan’s arms around him again, but instead, he was going home to a woman he knew he loved, but he wasn’t so sure anymore that he was _in_ love. With that thought, Colin stopped, his hand on the door handle. And it was with that moment, he realized a truth that terrified him: he'd begun to develop feelings for Ryan.


	8. Seed of Doubt

It was nearing the end of December, and the snow was piling heavily unto the ground. Colin stood outside the work office, heavily bundled up and smoking his cigarette quickly so as to get out of the freezing cold, and so as to not get caught. It was a no smoking premises, but there were small spots that smokers found were undisturbed enough to get a stick in. As time passed he quickly was forgetting the reason he had come outside in the first place.

 

Ryan.

 

He bounced his leg up and down as the image of his friend came into his mind again, and he thought about toned and lanky features, bright green eyes, a deep and soothing voice. It sent frustration and anxiety through his stomach and it made home in his chest. He smoked the cigarette quicker as if the fast paced inhale would erase the feelings, but it didn't. It just dulled the fear. Ashes fell to the ground in stark contrast. He just didn't understand it. Colin was glad that Greg introduced them both, he was glad that he had one more friend to add to his life, and he was glad it was Ryan. He liked Ryan a lot. In the past two, almost three months, he was glad that they had gotten as close as they did. But he couldn't figure out when it crossed the line between platonic emotions into something more, at least for him, and it was more conflicting when it seemed that the feelings and actions sometimes were reciprocated. But most of all, he didn't understand why it all happened in the first place, especially since he was in a committed relationship. He could accept the fact that his relationship with Theresa had become more rocky over the years, and it was something that he wasn't happy with considering how far sour it turned within the past year, but he still had it stuck in his mind that it was alright, that things were rocky because of numerous external sources and that they could get through it, that he could change and be better for her and that she would learn to show him love and trust and to control things less. He loved her, but was the relationship not enough that it seemed like he was looking for something elsewhere? He wasn't ready to accept the fact that maybe it might have become too broken and distraught to fix, nor was he ready to accept the fact that he might soon be on the verge of delving into an emotional affair with one of his close friends.

 

He rubbed the cigarette out on the wall and put it in the snow before going back inside to the break room. Normally he would have wasted at least fifteen minutes just standing outside, but he made it a point to not stand outside any longer than ten or else he may have become a human popsicle. That, and he needed Theresa. He had been around her a lot more than usual, taking lunch breaks with her, skipping some mornings to satisfy her loneliness, leaving early some days to be with her and hoping the change wouldn't be terribly worrisome or noticeable to not only Ryan, but especially Greg. It helped to ground him, make him remember that he was taken, and it helped push the thoughts and emotions away where he wouldn't have time to think about them. If Colin could focus on loving someone he was supposed to, it would all be okay. Yet, they would always sneak their way back when he caught a glimpse of Ryan's eyes. They would sneak back with every verbal altercation, with every kiss and hug shoved away, with every hit on the arm, shove of the body, slap in the face: one of the more recent additions. The sudden thoughts sulled the atmosphere as he walked in and around the corner. His body warmed up, and he headed back towards his table with Theresa, but caught Ryan and Greg walking through the door. He waved at them both, happy to see them, and wishing he could be with them right now. Greg smiled brightly as he and Ryan walked closer to Colin. Greg's personality could be infectious. It was hard not to smile brightly back.

 

"Well hello, bald and beautiful, how are you doing this fine lunch time?"

 

"Cold. Just came in from a smoke." Colin smiled and his hands clenched in his jacket pockets, shoulders slacking from his neck as his body continued to warm up. "And that's not funny, asshole."

 

"Oh, it must be so hard being follicly impaired, huh, Col?" Greg said dramatically, egging the other on in a playful tease.

 

"Oh, it must be so hard not being sarcastic Captain Obvious. But that's okay, you do what you want. At least people like me."

 

"Ouch now that was too far, kitten." Greg feigned hurt as Colin laughed, and Ryan stood near the back, laughing alongside them and their banter, but staying out of the conversation when it continued, as his attention was grabbed by none other than the bald and beautiful himself. If only the emotions Ryan felt were as chipper as that thought. Ryan smiled at Colin softly, simply enjoying the other's presence even if Ryan wasn't the one he was paying attention to. It had become like that a lot recently with Colin, Ryan noticed. He often felt a warm bundle of happiness settle over his chest when Colin was around. He may have been enjoying the other's presence a little too much, as he caught his eyes wandering over the other's body, and studying the things about it. The wrinkles at the corner of his eyes when he smiled, a smile that could light up the whole room if it was lit on the right day, laughter that shone through deep, large chocolate eyes. He felt his smile falter slightly, and he looked away and sipped at his drink, waiting for their conversation to be done. Similar but unbeknownst to Colin, nor to anyone, he had been having his own conflicting feelings. Ryan wasn't sure when he had started to feel how he did for Colin, but it was both a comforting, fuzzy feeling, and an aggravating one. With the people Greg introduced to him, Colin was the one who stood out, and was the only one he had ever developed this kind of attraction to. But Colin was in a relationship, a happy one it seemed, so there should be no reason for him to feel this way. It wasn't that he didn't believe Greg on some level about the things he's said of Theresa and Colin's relationship or their past together; they had known each other longer than Ryan and known Greg, even if by small margin. But... What if that wasn't entirely true? He'd only seen Colin around Theresa a few times, but the way he doted her around, the way he held her, it seemed like he was very much in love, and she seemed weird, a little touchy, but she seemed to love him too. Ryan wondered if Greg had been exaggerating about the severity of their relationship. But the problem with that was, while Greg would exaggerate and often times be a little dramatic, he was never a liar. And the thought crossed his mind, but only for second: what if _Colin_ wasn't being entirely true?

 

"Hey." Cold hands slapping touching the sides of his neck snapped him from his trance, not even realizing he was in one.

 

"Oh my god, don't ever touch me again, Greg. Why the hell are you always so cold?"

 

"Some people are just naturally colder than others, didn't you pay attention in school?" Greg grinned and started walking towards a more empty spot near the corner and Ryan followed. "Now, better question is, Ry; why in the hell were you checking out our dear friend Colin?" he said quietly, giving Ryan a side-eye glance.

 

"I wasn't checking him out, I just zoned out and I... Was just looking in his direction."

 

"Mhm..."

 

Ryan rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Lay off it, buddy. He's just my friend."

 

The break room was quiet, with only the quiet murmurers of the employees in the air and the door opening and closing ever so often. Colin poked around at his soup and stared at a point on the gray walls, but in a way that he hoped made it seem like he wasn't looking away from Theresa. He had only fifteen minutes left of his break, and across from him Theresa was talking about something he couldn't be bothered to listen about. He felt a little bad for not listening, but he was too far in his own thoughts that he happened to zone out half way through the conversation, and was afraid to chime back in once he realized just how far he had gone.

 

"Colin?"

 

"Hmm?" He brought his eyes back to focus on her.

 

Her thick eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and she rested her hand on her chin. The light glinted off her chunky necklace. "Are you listening to me?"

 

"I'm sorry. I spaced out for a second there." He flashed her a small smile, and feigned an excuse so she wouldn't know what was really on his mind. "I just... I didn't sleep too well yesterday, hun, I'm sorry. What were you talking about?"

 

Theresa shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "Nothing. Never mind." Colin's smile became smaller, and he took a bite of his soup. Lately, within the past few weeks, Theresa had become a lot more short with him, a lot more angry. It was a little concerning for him not only being the brunt of her lashes, but he was concerned for her because the episodes were becoming more night and day, going from extreme sadness to anger in a short time span. He made it a point to mention therapy and medicine again to her later.

 

"What soup is that?"

 

Colin looked up quickly. "It's tomato basil."

 

"It smells disgusting. I've told you before that it makes me nauseous."

 

"I'm sorry." He looked down and poked at his soup again, stirring it, resting his head against his other hand.

 

"Can you throw it out and find something different?"

 

Colin looked up at her, narrowing his eyes slightly. "I'm not throwing away my lunch, I didn't bring anything else."

 

"Well you knew we were going to be eating together, and we've been eating lunch together for a while now, and I have told you so many times in the past that you know how that smell gets to me. It's not my fault you don't remember things.... And another thing Colin," she crossed her arms and stared him down. Colin swore he detected concern in her eyes. At least, he wanted to believe it. "If you were so tired, why did you get up so early to get to work? This is why I wish you would stop going so often."

 

"Can we please not start this at work, hun?" Colin said quietly. Neither of them were being loud, but he was afraid that it might become that way.

 

"I'm not starting anything, I'm just pointing out that you aren't the best at making good decisions. Next time, think about things like that, _hun_."

 

Their small feud wasn't big, nor dramatic, but it was given away in their facial expressions that something wasn't okay, the animation in Theresa's character, and the defensiveness in Colin's posture. It didn't catch the attention of many of the other people in the small break room, but it did catch the attention of one person who eavesdropped half way through. Greg kept his cool as best as he could, but listening to Theresa's voice sent anger through his body, and a natural defense to stand up for his friend steadily rose with each word spoken.

 

"I think I need to go break up the children."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Them." Greg nodded in Colin and Theresa's direction. "That pisses me off man. She's just starting shit just to start shit, and he's just going to let it happen like always, and I'm not sure which pisses me off more." Greg tapped his foot to relax, and Ryan stared at him in confusion.

 

"How about I go and check it out, okay? If you go you're gonna have a conniption and say something you shouldn't."

 

"Oh yeah, says the man with anger issues."

 

Ryan only smiled back at the other, and gave him a slightly smug look as he stood up. "Yeah, but the man with anger issues works for an emergency hotline and learned how to keep his cool. " With a quirk of his eyebrow and a pat on the shoulder, Ryan walked into the direction of Colin and Theresa. In reality, he found that it would be a perfect opportunity to actually get to know her as a person, and not just through word of mouth. Maybe if he could see it for himself, it would help the feelings he had for Colin dissipate, or it would prove them right. But right now, he was approaching them in part to satiate Greg's frustrations, and in part because he hadn't met her properly before this point.

 

"Hey guys." Theresa turned her head upwards towards Ryan, and Colin jumped ever so slightly in his seat. He was thankful Ryan was there as it would give Theresa reason to ease up on him and lessen the tension in the air, but it wasn't something he was expecting.

 

"Hey Ryan. How are you doing?"

 

"Good! I just noticed you two here and I realized I've never met your wonderful girlfriend." Ryan held out a hand to Theresa. "My name's Ryan Stiles." Theresa gave a smile, and shook his hand. Colin sat and watched them exchange a few friendly words.

 

"You know, Col," Ryan started. "Would you guys want to go out for a drink later? I know it's cold as hell, but hey, gotta start somewhere right?"

 

"I didn't think he'd be up to nickname status with you so soon Colin." Theresa smiled and said it with a chuckle, and Colin smiled back at her nervously, giving a shrug. Colin was glad she was being so kind, but he noted the switch in her behavior. Once again, like night and day. It made him nervous for what might happen later when someone wasn't around. She looked back at Ryan, smiling and saying with a disappointed tone, "I don't think he nor I are up to it Ryan, I'm sorry. Maybe we could schedule up another time to get to know each other better? We're gonna be a little busy tonight, and he's been tired lately and needs to take a nap. Right, Col?" She turned back towards him, deliberately mentioning the nickname again. God, why did it sound so wrong coming from her?

 

"Well... I think we could all spend just a little time together. Why not have him come over instead of going out? It'll save us money, give us something to do."

 

"Yeah, but aren't you tired?"

 

"I think I could manage." He smiled. "Would you like to come over to our place after work, Ry?"

 

Ryan was not expecting that response, but thought it wouldn't be that bad of an idea. "If you're both okay with it, I'd love to."

 

"Is that okay, hun?" Colin looked towards her, and it seemed like she wasn't the most happy, but she nodded anyways. "That's fine by me."

 

Colin smiled and turned back to Ryan. "I'll text you my address later. See you then, okay?" 

 

"Okay." Ryan smiled and stood, waiting for another response, and found that it was becoming more awkward by the second. "I'm gonna go back to, ah, to Greg now. I'll see you later."   


 

With a chuckle, Colin waved at the other in a playful manner. Colin watched Ryan walk away back to Greg before turning back to Theresa. "Thank you for letting him come over. I really think you're going to like him."

 

"Well… I really didn’t want him to. I was looking forward to it being just us. I did it to make you happy."

 

“Well… Thank you for that. I really, really appreciate it.”

 

"Hmm."

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing." The beeping of her watch distracted her, placing two fingers over the sides to turn off the beeping and she stood, smoothing out her skirt. "Break's over. Back to hell we go." Colin nodded, and stood with her, taking his trash and hers and throwing it away. They walked together in silence, and once they reached their parting point, Theresa spoke something she hardly often said. "I love you. I'll see you when you get off okay?"

 

"I love you too." Colin's voice rose only slightly in confusion, but he loved when she said she loved him. He watched her walk away to her own cubicle, smile on his face. Once again, it was the little things that gave him hope, and kept him going until the end of the work day. He couldn't wait.  

 


	9. Conflict

Work continued into the afternoon, as per usual of the day. Needless to say, Colin was excited but he was also nervous. He wasn't sure how it would go, how Theresa would feel nor how she was feeling right now (something told Colin to be careful but it could just be him jumping the gun), how Ryan would feel. When he had come home, he noticed Theresa wasn't there just yet, which he found strange. Normally she would be home right beside him. Pulling out his phone, he gave her a quick text to make sure she was alright and to text Ryan his address, before going on to clean the house. It wasn't a dirty house, in fact it never was as Colin always stayed on top of the cleaning, designating one day a week for deep cleaning. But it was an outlet that Colin used daily to let out his anxieties or his frustrations. Sometimes he could get a little overboard and be a little nit picky, but at least it was productive. Right now especially, it had a bit more of a purpose. Colin continued to clean, washing the dishes, wiping the counters, sweeping the floors, anything he could find to get his mind off of the situation period. 

 

He thought about Theresa, and he thought about the good things that could come from this meeting. Theresa was always a bit of a lonely woman, even with Colin alongside her. She didn’t get along with her parents for obvious reasons, she didn’t have many long lasting friends back in her hometown, and when she moved to Vancouver, she was still in the same boat, and it was something Colin had tried to remedy ever since. Colin would try to introduce her to new people, take her to new places, and make her feel welcome. Maybe it didn’t work out with Greg, and it still upset him that two important people in his life wouldn’t ever come within twenty feet of each other, but maybe it could work out with Ryan. If it all worked out right, she would have more friends to confide in and maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

 

A knock at the door broke Colin of his tasks. A shame too, he was just about to vacuum, but at least the rest of the house was presentable. He went to unlock the door, and standing there was Ryan himself, smiling with his hands in his pockets. 

 

“Well hello there, I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.” Colin stepped to the side. “Come in, I’m sure you don’t want to freeze to death.”

 

“I sure as hell don’t.” Ryan shivered slightly as Colin closed the door, taking in the apartment before him. It was clean, and it was organized. Very organized. He noticed that things were placed in specific order and in a very straight pattern. Ryan wasn’t a dirty or disorganized person in the least, but this really took the cake and it made him feel like he had a pigsty for a house. 

 

“Wow.” he said with a light chuckle, finding it all that he could muster.

 

“That doesn’t sound promising, I’ve been cleaning for at least an hour now. Does it look that bad?” Colin wasn’t offended in the least, but just teasing Ryan and wanting to see his reaction. 

 

“No, it’s not that.” Ryan gave a small laugh. “It’s just… Really clean. And really…”

 

“Specific?”

 

“Yeah. Specific. It’s nothing like my house, heh.” Ryan wandered the little space and took everything in.

 

Colin smiled at him softly. “Yeah, well I know not a lot of people enjoy the act of cleaning like how I do so don’t be upset, Ry. I’m sure your house is fine.” Ryan smiled at the use of the nickname, but didn’t show Colin. Inside he was happy that their level of comfort was increasing. “Well,” Colin started, clasping his hands together and wringing them, “feel free to wander. The bathroom’s over here,” Colin pointed to the bathroom in the back. “Obviously the kitchen is right to your side, and that’s our bedroom, and here’s the living room.” Colin walked to the center, placing his hands to his sides, doing a slight spin to showcase the small room. “Yep. It’s… Just an apartment. But please, let me know if you want anything to eat or something.” 

 

Ryan went and sat on the couch as Colin talked, keeping his hands in his pockets. Keeping his hands to his sides, Colin eyed the other. “You’re just gonna sit there? A whole home, and you choose the couch?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“All my hard work for nothing. Is that how you want to show me respect, Ry?”

 

Ryan grinned, the gap in his teeth showing and making him seem childlike to Colin, and egged him on. “Yep. All your hard work down the drain.” Ryan took a hand from his pocket, and patted the seat next to him. “You  _ could _ join me and neglect the rest of your responsibilities while we wait for Theresa.”

 

“I gotta vacuum first.”

 

“Your place is clean enough, I promise.” Colin had his hand on the vacuum, and turned towards Ryan, thinking over his decision. He still went through with it, finding it hard not to finish what he had started, but he made it a point not to get too into it, quickly vacuuming the living room and his bedroom, leaving Ryan sitting and waiting on the couch. He waited for Colin to finish, sitting in silence and staring at some of the pictures on the wall and coffee table. It was a mix, some of them were of Theresa, some of Colin, some of them both, some of family it looked like. Ryan picked up one picture of Theresa and Colin together at what seemed like an aquarium. He studied it. The both of them standing together, Colin and his arm around her shoulder, both smiling. He found it sweet. He put the picture down, not noticing the vacuum in the background turn off and things shuffle around, and picked up another picture that he found caught his eye. It was just a picture of Colin but on what seemed to be his birthday. Dawned in a party hat that covered his balding head comically, staring at the camera with a smile and a slightly surprised look as if he weren’t expecting the photo, elbows resting on a white table and a hand covering his mouth slightly. There was cake on his hands, and cake on his face, showing that someone must have pulled a prank on him and pushed his face into the cake. Ryan rubbed his thumb across the photo, clearly lost in thought and admiration for something so fond and sweet. 

 

“I like that one.” 

 

Ryan turned his head towards Colin, the latter holding his cat in his arms and peering over the ball of fluff at the photo. He walked around the table to sit next to Ryan, letting the cat rest in his lap. Ryan looked at the features in Colin’s face, how different they were from the photo. Colin was a lot thinner now, more tired and sunken in the eyes and wrinkled at the edges.

 

“That was for… My thirtieth birthday I think? I want to say Greg was the one who pushed my face into the cake and I started to eat it off my face because hey, it was still good.” Colin gave a laugh as he remembered the fond memory. “Hell, he might have been the one to take the picture too.”

 

“Yeah?” Ryan said, still looking at the other softly, before turning back to the picture. “Well it’s really cute. I like it. You looked like you really were enjoying yourself.” 

 

Colin grinned. “I was, it was a really fun day that day.” He rested back into the couch, petting the cat in his lap softly as the sounds of quiet purring arose into the room. 

 

“What about this one?” Ryan set the other picture back and picked up the one he had earlier. “What’s the story behind it?” 

 

Colin lifted his head up slightly to see what picture Ryan was talking about. “Oh, that’s Theresa and I on one of our dates to the aquarium. Funnily enough, Greg was also the one who took that picture too.” He laid his head back down to the couch, closing his eyes. “I miss those days.”

 

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, and set the picture back. “What happened with you guys?”

 

Colin opened his eyes slightly. “A lot happened. Really I don’t know _ how _ it happened but… I dunno, we started dating, and it seems like after that point, it all got out of control. With everyone.” He sighed. “Greg and Theresa had a massive fight, mostly over how Theresa was treating me, how she was treating Greg, and you know how Greg is, he only takes bullshit for so long. Which now that I say it like that, it makes me feel bad.” Ryan laid his hands across his stomach and laid his head down on the couch next to Colin’s, giving him all his attention. “I guess… After they stopped being friends it’s been a little bit of a tug-of-war ever since. Greg’s fine, he still doesn’t like her and he’s protective over me but he’s moved on, but Theresa… Not so much. And it’s a whole other set of problems now, especially at home, ‘nd….” Colin brought his hands to his face, and rubbed it, dragging his hands down and he looked over to Ryan, giving a soft smile. “Sorry, not trying to bring the mood down.” 

 

“No, no you’re fine. I like knowing more about you.” Ryan smiled back, resting his elbow on the top of the couch and his head on his hand. “Is… I mean, is everything okay now?”

 

“We have our problems. I mean, everyone does. I guess… It could be better. I’m trying to make it better. I’m trying to be better, you know, for her. Trying to be less overbearing, less depressing, less… I don’t know. Me?” Colin shrugged as he spoke softly, and didn’t notice the hand that slumped behind his head, and turned to look Ryan straight in the eyes. They were beautiful and attentive, something Colin loved and that he now realized he might not be getting. There was a lot of things he realized he might not be getting that might be an explanation to him acting out. But did he care? “I’m a little afraid. It’s been eight years, it’s been a long time being with her and knowing her, and if I leave, I’m afraid of what she’ll do or what she’ll say. But I want to stay because I’m  _ in love _ , not because of obligation. You know?”

 

“Yeah.” Ryan said softly. 

 

Colin ran his eyes over Ryan’s face, lingering on his lips before looking away, and he noticed just how close they were. “I don’t know if I can admit it yet that something might be more wrong than I realize. But…  I’m thinking that might be the case now.”

 

The turn of the doorknob broke the two of their endeavor, and they set themselves apart quickly, as Theresa walked in through the door. 

 

“Oh, I didn’t think you’d be over so soon Ryan! Hi!” She exclaimed.

 

Colin gave a quick glance towards Ryan, wondering if he would be showing any emotion at all from what just happened, but Ryan, with his arm still hanging on the top of the couch behind Colin, stayed perfectly calm and let nothing show through his face. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. We were just waiting for you.” Removing his arm from the couch in a smooth motion, he sat up in a more attentive pose and asked her more questions, basic things like how work was and was the drive alright. Colin sat in silence as he watched the two talk, continuing to pet the cat in his lap. 

 

That’s how the night continued, he felt. Silence. Theresa and Ryan had hit it off very well, and granted, Colin was very happy about it. That’s how he wanted it to be. They talked about a lot of things, varying from their friendship to how their relationship started, from how he and Ryan met to what Ryan thought of the house, Colin chiming in every now and again. Colin thought it would be best for him to make dinner since Ryan was his guest technically. That was strike one. Colin made something simple, macaroni and some chicken, mostly staying in the kitchen as it all cooked. What got to him a little was the fact that no one seemed to really notice or care that he had gone off. He wanted one of them to talk to him while he was in there. He could multitask, damn it. But, that was something he could get over. Maybe they thought that because he was cooking, he was a little too busy to talk to, and that’s okay. What got to him was the fact that Theresa wouldn’t eat his dinner. She claimed it was ‘too rich in flavor’, and that the chicken was ‘too spicy’ for her liking, even though the amount of spice Colin added was next to nothing. She did that often to his food, often opting out for blander options and never bothering to give Colin’s choices a chance, even if he were to beg her to try just one bite. After a while, it gets frustrating when your choices are never the right ones. That was strike two, actually: choices. Dinner was a flop, though he and Ryan ate and Ryan thought it was good even if it was something simple. But then they got on to the topic of movies. Giving Ryan the choice to choose a movie to watch, he had none and left it up to Colin or Theresa. ‘I’m fine with anything’, he said. Strike two was the fact that Colin’s choices in movies were either ‘too sad’, ‘too gorey’, ‘not in the mood’, ‘that movie is terrible’. That added to his frustrations. It always had to be her decision, he noticed. There was always something wrong with the music and movies he chose, even if it was something she liked. If she didn’t want it, she wouldn’t have it, or she would throw a small fit otherwise, finding it to be ‘too much’. So they settled on a movie that Colin wasn’t a big fan of in the first place, as it was, in her words, ‘too sad’, and he personally wasn’t a sad movie kind of guy. He didn’t handle it well. Strike three, was the overwhelming isolation he felt even with two people in the room with him.

 

Theresa had an issue with oversharing on her first day meeting people. Colin had grown used to it and at this point, he didn’t really find it strange anymore. Once he mentioned it to Greg, and apparently, it’s not something someone should really do on their first visit. But, after knowing her for so long, it was something he got used to. It’s a way to cope, he thought. Never once had he thought it a way of attention seeking by any means. But, there she was, after watching a sad movie, crying on and off for the first hour, and going on and on about her past, bringing up heavy, triggering topics. It wasn’t that he was upset at her for her past, and her talking about it. Everyone has a past. Some are worse than others. It was that, well, there he was, piddling around on his phone in absolute silence, listening to them talk back and forth. The keyword being: them. Neither of them had talked to him once since the movie, and they were so engrossed in their conversation, that it left him feeling isolated and alone on the couch. Normally he would have gotten over that, the feeling wouldn’t be so intense, but combined with the events of that night, it was making him feel a little more depressed than he would have liked to be. A little more left out, a little more… Wrong, he supposed.

 

Colin stood up quietly, hoping that no one would notice him still. The murmurs of talking fading into the background as he went to the kitchen to refresh the cat food and water bowl, before making an escape towards the bedroom. 

 

“Where are you going Col?” _ Damn it.  _ He looked towards Theresa, who chimed up, and Ryan who had looked towards him because of it. The spotlight on him was something he wasn’t living for. 

 

“The bedroom.”

 

“Don’t you think that’s a little rude? You have a guest over.” Colin bit his lip in anger. Really? She was really about to question him? She really didn’t notice what she was doing? He had been trying to get a word in all night, and maybe it was his fault for not trying in the latter half of the night and giving up like he always did. He couldn’t be too angry, but damn it, he was. There were many thoughts running through his head. He gave her a look, and Ryan a look of apology, before he ended the conversation with silence and closed the door quietly.

 

Theresa stared at Colin as he walked away, and gave a small huff. She shook her head and crossed her arms, adjusting herself on the couch to the sound of a door shutting. “I’m sorry Ryan, he gets like that sometimes.” Ryan stared at the hallway with concern in his eyes, wondering why the sudden mood change in Colin happened in the first place. Theresa took it as a sign to move forward in her conversations. “I just don’t understand him sometimes. I feel like I do all I can for him and his mood swings just… They get in the way of the relationship sometimes, you know? You know how he gets... “ She trailed off. “Sometimes he’s just too depressing to be around. He’s so sensitive. It’s like every time I’m trying to have fun or be interested in his life, something just sets him off and he’s back to being reclusive and….  Honestly it drives me away. It’s hard because he can be so overbearing and sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it in the end. He wonders why I get so upset all of the time.” She sighed. 

 

Ryan’s face stayed the same, and now he was faced with brand new emotions and thoughts. He didn’t say anything in regards to her statements. It felt too wrong to start talking about someone he cared about like that. “I’m sure it can’t be too bad right? Y’all seem very happy together.” 

 

“Well, _ I _ think so. He loves me, and I love him more than anyone else could ever love him.  _ I  _ think it’s going fine. But I don’t know what Colin thinks about. Whatever it is, he really needs to get over it….”

 

Ryan wasn’t sure what answer he was expecting. Part of him was expecting something to prove his feelings were right, that maybe Colin was having a rough time in this relationship and that it was as Greg said, and obviously to a certain degree it was true. He didn’t not believe them. Maybe that answer would have given him a positive reason to feel the attraction he had for the other man. It felt so intuitive and natural and  _ right _ , like it should be this way. Something was up, but…. But as he sat here talking with Theresa, he saw someone who was having just as hard of a time getting through life, who might not necessarily be abusive like he had been led to believe, and… That it really was foolish to feel how he had been. They were happy together. How could Ryan come between that? Ryan was happy for them, he could let these feelings be and reside in the back of his mind and move forward being simply friends, and yet, through the resolution, he found that he still harbored a little jealousy towards Theresa. She was lucky. She was strange, she did like to talk quite a lot, and Ryan sympathized with and pitied her, but she was so damn lucky to have someone like Colin.    

 

It was silent. Theresa offered Ryan something to drink, but he declined politely, stating that he should get home before it got darker and colder, and before more snow piled and blocked him out of his house. But he didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Colin. With permission, he went and knocked on the bedroom door a few times. There was no answer, so he tried again, but with the same results. 

 

“Guess he went to bed.” Ryan trailed off.

 

“Probably did….” Theresa gave Ryan sad eyes. “Sorry to see you leave so soon, but I hope we can do this again sometime. You’re awesome to be around. Hopefully it will be less dramatic.” 

 

“I hope so too. I’ll see you guys around.” Ryan gave Theresa a smile, before leaving the house, hearing nothing but the soft click of the door locking behind him. As he walked down the steps, he wondered why he still felt the seed of conflict rise in his stomach. He didn’t really know how to feel right now. Maybe going home and sleeping on it would do the trick to get his mind off of it all. 


	10. Admissions and Decisions

The tapping of shoes was all that was keeping Greg's mind off of the reality around him, and it was adding to his already terrible mood. Another full minute of the incessant noise, and Greg let out a harsh breath through his nose, and he stopped suddenly in the middle of typing at the computer.

 

"Landon, can you _please_ stop with the foot thing? It's grating on my ears."

 

"Sorry, boss."

 

Greg shook his head in annoyance and went back to what he was doing. He woke up hopeful this morning, he really did, that the day would be less shitty than they had been going. Lately the past few weeks for him were proving stressful. The weather changing into it worst yet (he really hated the cold), work adding on more than he felt he could accomplish, the new year and family affairs. Things had begun to pile up. He knew better than to let it show in a professional environment, but he rarely ever showed it regardless of where he was. Greg was one of those people who would rather work through his issues by himself, and at times, it could prove to not be the best idea, but he made it work every time even if it slipped out at times. 

 

It really didn't start to pile up quicker until he found that both his friends started showing up less and less for their morning gathering. True, it was something small and mundane, but it was the importance behind it and the shared happiness that it seemed to bring everyone. At least to him, it did. Colin was first to stop, but Greg attributed that to other reasons even if it still bugged him. When Ryan stopped too is when it got a little more suspicious. Then it became more noticeable with the two; Greg would see them out of the corner of his eye, flirting often and being affectionate, sneaking in seemingly endearing digs at each other's appearances. At one point, he swore he saw exchange of hugs ever so often, sometimes side, sometimes frontal. Greg began to question both of their integrity. At that point that's when he began to feel like a third wheel. During times together outside or inside of work, it was generally them talking, them having the laughs or understanding jokes that only they understood. That was something he could get over, easy, even if it still sucked. But the moment Ryan started to choose Colin and _her_ over him is when the anger began to play in the mix. After everything Greg had explained and expressed, to have someone he cared about continue to be friendly around another person who put on a fantastic facade hurt.  _ Well _ , he had thought. _ If that's how it's going to be.  _

 

Soon after weeks of feeling alone and frustrated, the morning coffee routine seemed to hurt less, and became more of the start of a bitter reminder that he was becoming more of a side note. This morning he saw Colin there, waiting, catching eyes, but Greg pretended not to notice, and kept on walking to his office. Was he supposed to forgive someone so easy? No. If no one else was going to bother to care, then he wasn’t going to either.  He was tired of having to be the mature person, and he was tired of feeling the affects of other’s and their poor decision making. He stayed alone mostly throughout the day, focusing on work to keep the frustrations out of his head. Ryan noticed immediately, and of course, like himself, Ryan was persistent when it came to the well being of his friends. Trying on and off when he could get the chance, he would prod Greg for answers, to which the latter blatantly ignored, or politely told him to go away. Ryan wasn’t sure why Greg had been off, but it had been starting to show for the past few days. Ryan knew Greg wasn't that kind of person to let emotions like that shine through, so it worried him even more. What had happened?

 

“Greg, what’s wrong?”

 

It was noon, and Greg was sitting at a table eating and working on a report for his boss. Greg looked up from his food at the tall man. “Oh look, he finally decides  _ not  _ to be around a psychotic bitch all day.” 

 

Ryan set his food down across from him, taken aback by the sudden bite. “Jesus man, what the hell?”

 

Greg closed his eyes with a soft sigh. That was a bit of a harsh remark, even for him (he didn’t like to disrespect women). “Sorry. It’s been a rough day.” 

 

“Apparently, jeez.” It was silent for a moment, the chatter of the employees in their break room softly filling the small space. “You didn’t answer me; what’s wrong?”

 

“A few things but I don’t really want to talk about it right now, so can we not do this please?” 

 

Ryan pursed his lips to the side, but he knew when to stop trying to help when it wasn’t wanted. Greg and him were alike in most ways emotionally than they realized, which is why they got along so well, but it also created conflict when two people were that similar. Here’s a hint: stubborn people do not fare well against stubborn people. 

 

“Then let’s talk about it later. You in for a couple beers down the street?”

 

Greg didn’t answer. But, in the end, he decided it might do some good.

 

That decision to come out is what led him here to the bar tonight. It was cold, and it was disgusting, and frankly he wasn't in the mood to come though he had been holed up in his house for a while. But if it was going to clear things up, then it could be worth it. He told himself that over and over; just clear things up, don’t drink too much, don’t sugar coat but don’t be an asshole. It wasn’t his goal to start a fight, it never was, but he was wary when situations like this arose. Ryan had a thing with resolving issues, he always had ever since they'd met, and it was something Greg respected and wished more people took initiative to act like mature adults, but when it came down to the both of them, it would either end great, or end terribly and they wouldn’t talk for a few days because of their respective anger problems getting in the way, and if either one of them weren't up for the discussion, it would just make it worse, and the fact that Greg felt like that tonight was not the start of a good discussion. Either way issues would be resolved but it could be a real bitch getting there.

 

The bar was lit dimly, and the chatters of its patrons filled Greg's ears as he walked through the front door. He held his hands in his pockets, cursing silently the disgusting cold of January winter. No matter how many layers he wore, and no matter how many years passed since he moved from the states, he could never get used to this blistering weather. He thanked Ryan at least for choosing somewhere close by home. Of course, it didn't cover the frustrations he still held within himself for the other man. Greg sighed and sat on a bar stool near the end of the table and he let the sound of the pop music take him away. But, not before ordering a nice tall brew.

 

Greg didn’t wait for long. Two beers later a small tap on the back prompted him to look over his shoulder at Ryan who stared back at him with a small, hopeful smile. Ryan was still unsure why Greg was isolating himself and why his attitude was so sharp, but he figured with some prodding, he could get an answer or two. Ryan sat down next to Greg, turning towards the bartender and ordering a beer of his own. They sat in silence as Greg sipped on his beer while they waited for Ryan's, finding it increasingly annoying that the other was taking it so lightly. Maybe, though, Greg didn't have an entire reason to become this angry so fast. But he couldn't help it. Hopefully this ‘talk’ would help shed some light on a few things. He wasn’t looking for a fight, he reminded himself; just a mutual understanding of why he's been the way he has been. That’s only fair, right?

 

“Alright, Greg,” Ryan said, resting the cup against his lips as he thought about his next words. “What’s up. You've been quiet all day, you've been avoiding everyone, what's up.” 

 

Greg gave a huff and swirled his drink around. “Wouldn't you like to know Ry.” He downed the last of the drink in one go. 

 

“Actually, I would. You forget, I  _ know _ you and I know that when you're being more of a sarcastic asshole than usual that something is really, really wrong.” Ryan thought for a moment. “I mean, did  _ I  _ piss you off? You gotta talk to me if I did, man, I’m not a mind reader.” 

 

Greg pondered for a moment. “Alright.” Greg put his glass down a little loudly on the table, a scowl prominent on his face.  _Let's get this over with._ Looking towards the bartender he asked for something cheaper, but stronger than the beers he had. Once he had his drink in hand, he turned towards Ryan, with the slightest air of smugness. “I'm tired of people throwing me off to the side like a piece of trash. Happy with that?”

 

Ryan bit his inner cheek in frustration, not wanting to let his temper rise but the snark and sudden sharpness to Greg's words were going to make it difficult. “Last I checked no one's throwing you off to the side. You’re doing that to yourself by being a recluse.” 

 

“Yeah that's what  _ you _ think, but I don't think you  see it any other way because you're so  _ dense _ . Did you think to ask, ‘hey, maybe there’s a reason Greg’s being bitchier than usual, let’s check up on him’ after what, the first few days?” Greg shook his head, finding that his hands were more animated the more emotional he became. “That’s not even the whole problem, though, fuck that; I'm tired of being the one people go to for their problems and then being shoved away, I'm tired of feeling like someone’s keeper, I'm tired of helping people and trying to knock some  _ sense  _ into them only to have them completely disregard what I have to say and then wonder why it comes back to bite them in the ass.” 

 

Greg stared at Ryan, giving a huff and he drank his drink in one go (there wasn't much; a shame). Greg knew his mouth was going to get him in trouble. But he didn't know how to use a filter, and the alcohol wasn't helping. The least he was doing was keeping his voice down so as to not create a scene. 

 

“And you know what? I  _ am _ pissed at you, Ry.”

 

“Oh yeah? Please enlighten me.” Ryan spoke, sarcasm dripping in his words. The more this conversation went on, Ryan knew no one was leaving happy tonight.  _ Dense _ ?, he thought.  _ Fuck you. _

 

“Because I have told you about Theresa, and what do you do? You ditch me for her?”

 

“Greg she's not even that bad of a person, she's just weird.”

 

Greg snorted and couldn't help but burst out in a few loud laughs before staring at Ryan in amazement. “You're kidding? Well that proves that point.” Smiling sardonically, he called the bartender for one more drink. He needed to stop soon. A beer and a few small glasses weren't a lot, but he had to drive home, and the drinks were becoming stronger.

 

“What point exactly are you even talking about?” 

 

“That I guess it really _doesn't_ matter what I have to say if people are just going to go against it all the time. Why bother trying? Guess telling you about her didn't matter in the end anyways.” Greg shook his head in disbelief, but to what, he was unsure. His voice, while still carrying the tone of anger, became more soft. “Listen I’m not trying to say I’m a saint or whatever, but Ry, I give all I can to everyone I know. I deserve at least that credit. I try my damned hardest to make sure people are happy and okay. And I’ll be the first one to say it, I _know_ I come off as a little harsh sometimes, and I know I’m blunt, but it’s because I worry my ass off. I worry a lot more about a lot of things than people realize, _especially_ when it comes to my friends. And to know that the people I care about still go out and put themselves into situations they can prevent, or becoming a third wheel in any conversation, and being- like I said earlier -pushed off to the side and forgotten? Yeah, I'm fucking pissed off. I'm tired of being an emotional punching bag for everyone to dump their crap on and get no respect in return. And I'm tired of being a third wheel. But, I bet you wouldn't know about that, would you?” 

 

“Excuse me?” Ryan found himself to be completely offended by the remark. 

 

“You know what I'm talking about, don't play dumb. What, are you hanging out with Theresa and Col because you want to, or because of something else?”

 

“Because I want to, there's nothing else going on.” Who was he trying to prove?

 

“Like I'm going to believe that crap. I see how you and Colin are around each other. Y’all flirt like there's no tomorrow. I see you two always together, you’re always being touchy, you’re always talking to each other. Even when I’m there, it’s like I’m the background character in a movie for someone else.” Another drink. “I didn’t think wouldn't bother me, but you know… Guess it just sucks.” Greg spoke under his breath, feeling the buzz begin to take over his body. Ryan felt shame and embarrassment mix in with his current emotions, but was unable to get a word in as Greg continued. 

 

“I trust you, and I trust Colin, but if ‘nothing else is going on’, don’t lead the guy on, because that’s not right to him. Frankly you’d be a much better choice than that woman, but you can’t have it all, you need to pick one or the other. What’s your goal anyways if you ‘don’t like him’? You say you don’t like him, but then you go and do the shit you do; what’s that? Obviously you think they’re happy go lucky, you obviously don’t believe me when I say things based off  _ personal  _ experience, so what’s the point?”

 

“Greg you are one step away from me beating the shit out of you, back off.” Ryan warned, and his defensive behavior only proved more to the specced man. 

 

“It’s not my fault you can’t handle the truth.  _ You _ invited me here because you wanted some answers about what’s bugging me and  _ that’s  _ what I’m giving you.”

 

Ryan scoffed and shook his head and turned away from Greg, taking a swig of his beer. Steadily he felt his blood pressure rising, and Greg should be glad he knew how to control his tongue, unlike the former, but the conversation did make him think about a lot of things, more things than he wanted to. The music at the bar was blaring through their speakers. People off to their sides were talking about nothing and everything in particular, laughing and having a great time. Both of the men secretly wished they were having a good time like everyone else. 

 

“I'm done.” Greg stood up from his stool with a sigh, catching himself when he found he stood up a bit too fast. 

 

Ryan didn't move from his stilled position, but glanced over in the other's direction, hands toying with the condensation of the glass. Through the irritation, he still commented out of concern, “You don't look good to be driving home, Proops.” 

 

“I'll be fine.” He retorted quickly, not having any of it. There was no point in sugar coating tonight's conversation and pretending that either one of them was happy nor that either of them truly cared at this moment in time. The points were made and while it was good that Greg laid it out on the table, he knew somewhere in the sobriety of his mind that he had taken something too far, but the other half didn't care. Sometimes the truth needed to be put out there in blunt force, because otherwise change would never happen. Greg kept the thought. Maybe it  _ was  _ time to harden up, but not while in a slight drunken state. Greg fiddled around for some cash, and Ryan sat in silence. 

 

“I'll catch you on the flip side, Ry.” Short and to the point, Greg stared at the other for a short moment longer, and left. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to leave Ryan in that kind of irritated stupor, but did it matter? Not right now. And why should it? Greg walked, only slightly woozily, towards the front door, and out towards his car. Snow was coming down full force tonight. Bundling up tighter than he had when he came inside, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness wash over him. Damn…. He was a fucking asshole.

 

Ryan on the other hand, felt nothing but steadily rising rage as he continued to mull over everything. He drank the rest of his drink, and ordered more. He needed it.  _ Fuck it,  _ he thought. If this was the cost for the things he was doing, for doing things based on a stupid feeling (a wonderful, wonderful feeling), then maybe something did have to change. 

  
  
  
  
  



	11. It Ends Tonight

“Here's the paperwork for that project on 42nd street, Colin.” A brunette woman smiled, handing the man a hefty stack of papers in a file, much to his unwanting. So close to the end of the day, too.  

 

“Thank you, Greta, I'll get right to work on it.” Flashing her a smile, he took the papers and flipped through them, walking back towards his office. He sat down as he looked through the small print, scanning over words only to have to scan back over them again. In reality, he wasn't able to focus on them at all, as something more worrisome was trapped in his mind.

 

_ “Move?” Colin repeated, wiping the kitchen counters down as the noisy dishwasher filled the rest of the air. He looked up towards Theresa with a quirk of his eyebrow. “Hun, I'm not sure that's gonna be a good idea….” _

 

_ “Well, why not?” Theresa said, a little too chippery, leaning back in the dining room chair. “You're always the one trying to look for a new adventure and you always say shit around here is boring. I think it would be a good change for us.” _

 

_ “I don't… I don't know.” Colin placed the rag down. “Our whole lives are here. Our jobs, our friends, literally everything we know. We wanted to get a house, remember? We won't be able to do that if we move.” _

 

_ “We can get a house where we're going if we find somewhere cheap enough.” _

 

_ “It's not that easy though, there's a lot of finances to build up and credit checks we have to go through.” Colin was steadily becoming more nervous and slightly irritated the more he spoke. _

 

_ “Is everything I say going to be wrong, or what, Colin?” _

 

_ “No….” He trailed off. “I just… It's so sudden. What made you think of this? You get upset when I mention moving ever, what changed your mind?” _

 

_ “A lot did.” She pursed her lips, crossing her arms in a slight childish manner, giving the other puppy dog eyes. “Just think about it, please?” _

 

_ “Um… Okay, we'll see.” _

 

Colin was gnawing on his pencil end as the memory of yesterday replayed in his mind, and he went to fill in information blanks on the spreadsheet in front of him. He could feel the clash of conflict arise in his mind, knowing the one he wanted, but he knew he was going to be intimidated to no end giving the answer to her. Really, he had been wanting to talk to someone about it for a while. Maybe it could give him the confidence he needed to state himself loud and clear (he really needed to work on his dependency with other people; it was a crutch). But he noticed that Greg was ignoring him, and for why, he had a hunch; and it was probably deserved. Colin had been off in his own world and his own space for a while without really telling the other, so it more than likely had come of as accidental ignoring, and though he may not look it, Greg could get rather emotional too and take things the wrong way. Getting through to him would be like talking to a wall for at least the next three days. Then, his next option could be a better choice; Ryan.

 

Colin smiled at the thought. Ryan. Already, he was  beginning to calm down at the thought of the other man, welcoming the anxious bubble in the pit of his stomach. There was something about Ryan that made him relax instantly, and he wasn’t too sure as to why. Colin gave a scoff at himself. That was a lie. He knew exactly why. He liked Ryan, and he had it bad. Colin knew it was wrong, letting these feelings grow and grow for months. But he couldn’t help himself. There was something there that was fulfilling and that created a stress free and happy environment, something unlike that of his home. He just didn’t want to admit it. And Ryan, well, with how things seemed, Ryan might have it bad too. And that filled Colin with more hope than he realized.

 

There was something slightly awry with them as well, though. Lately, Ryan had become a bit distant, like Greg, but Colin knew Greg and his ins and outs. Being best friends for years does that to someone, and Colin knew when Greg was upset with him and when to back away or to approach. Ryan was different. Prior to this, they’d never once had a negative encounter, if this could even be  _ called  _ a negative encounter. So he wasn’t sure what to do.

 

_ ‘Actually I don’t even think we’ve ever fought before….’ _  he thought, and gave a sigh. Well, there was a first for everything, right? Tapping the papers down neatly and filing them into his cabinet, Colin tapped the eraser end to his lips as he tried to think if anything else needed to be done. When he found nothing, Colin decided he was going to nip this in the butt. He was going to go home, give the other a call, and they’d work it out. More than likely, it was just Colin overthinking the situation, and either way this would be a great learning experience. He walked out of his office, but as he reached the front of the building, he saw the devil himself. It seemed that everyone was leaving work late. Maybe it was for a reason.

 

“Ryan!” he said, giving a smile and approaching the other. Ryan turned around, looking a little surprised when his name was called. When he saw Colin, he tensed, and gave a small nod upwards. “Hey.” he said simply, and kept walking out the door. That wasn’t a good sign.

 

“Hey, Ry?” Colin asked, catching up with the other. Ryan looked over at Colin, and immediately knew something was wrong when he saw his face more closely, and was slightly taken aback. “Hey….”

 

“What’s up, Col?” Ryan asked quietly but shortly, turning his head another direction, finding the memories of a certain conversation coming back into his head, and it wasn’t helping the mood it had put him in. He couldn’t bare to look Colin in the face.

 

“Nothing, I just… Haven’t heard from you. I wanted to know if you were okay.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Oh. Okay, good then.” Colin didn’t believe Ryan, but he didn’t know if prodding would be the best idea. The awkward tension was slowly rising, and the air was getting colder by the second as they stood outside. Colin was debating on whether or not to continue with his initial plan. “I was… Wanting to ask you something. Well, talk to you- I just needed to talk to you.”

 

“I need to talk to you too, actually.”

 

“Oh- really?”

 

“Yeah….” Ryan held his hands in his pockets, and bit his bottom lip. “Are you busy right now? Or later?”

 

“Well… No, not really. I never really am.”

 

“Can you come by later, then? I think it might be a good idea to have a one on one about a few things.”

 

“Ah… Sure. That’s fine.”

 

“Okay. Then I’ll see you later okay? I gotta go, so....” Ryan started backing away in the other direction, giving a small wave. Even though there was a smile given, Colin felt that something was off about it, and what was to come.

 

\---

 

It was getting darker by the moment, and Colin was trying to let his phone direct him to Ryan’s house. He already let Theresa know he wasn’t going to be home, and that encounter went wonderfully. Colin was happy to know that Theresa was so accepting of this particular friendship, and was very appreciative at how involved she wanted to be. If only it were with other relationships too. But beggars can’t be choosers; one was plenty.

 

_ In one thousand feet- sharp right. _

 

“Thanks Sharon, that’s not vague at all.” He spoke softly as he scanned the road, ‘affectionately’ having nick-named the voice a long time ago. Colin yielded at the turn before going, and continued on. The street lights became minimal after a while, and the houses became sparce between themselves. Soon enough he found himself driving down a neighborhood that was more secluded in the country, its dark streets dimly lit. Soon, he saw what would be Ryan’s house come into sight, ironically enough given the lack of said street lamps and lack of houses in its general vicinity. Colin could never get enough of it. He’d been here a few times, and everytime he had to use a map because it was a complicated route getting here. But when he did, he found it peaceful. He wouldn’t mind living in the country some day. Parking on the edge and snapping out of his daydreams, Colin turned his car off, and bit at his lip. He was nervous, and he shouldn’t be. It was just friendly discussions they were going to have, like they always have done. Helping each other out, right?

 

Colin stepped out of the car in to the cold night, and hurried up to the door as he locked his car from inside his jacket pockets. He knocked on the door, and waited, becoming very close friends with the unkind wind as he did so. At least in the coming weeks, warmer Spring weather weather would be upon them. Ryan came to the door, and gave him a smile.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey.” Colin said with a little laugh.

 

“Well come on, Col.” Ryan ushered him inside, stepping off to the side. “I don’t want you turning into a popsicle, get in.” Ryan grinned as Colin made a snide remark as he stepped inside, hearing the rustle of the other’s wind breaker as he closed the door. When he looked back, he saw Colin shaking out his jacket, and Ryan couldn’t help but feel his own confidence falter now that Colin was actually here. They were alone now, in a place where they didn’t have to hide their affections. Friendly jabs could turn into soft caresses, hugs could last longer than a few seconds, playful words could turn into so much more. Ryan wanted to do nothing more than that.

 

But that couldn’t continue. It had to stop. Colin was taken. They both were grown men acting like it was some high school romance, and it was all just some fucked up fantasy that they had created. Why, Ryan couldn’t really say. Maybe they were both more lonely than they had let on. But…. They had gotten so close, and even if they were lonely, what gave Ryan the right to pursue someone who had a life of their own to live and a significant other to please? Better so, what gave  _ Colin  _ the right to continuously lead it on?

 

Colin noticed that Ryan was off earlier, and if he couldn’t tell then, he was really able to tell now. Ryan still had his hand on the door knob and was staring at Colin but not at the same time, as if he were zoning out. Colin had long since placed his coat on the couch near them, and looked at Ryan with concern. He reached out to place a hand gently on the other’s side.

 

“Ryan….” he began softly, walking closer to him.

 

“Don’t- touch me.” Ryan started, jerking out of his mind and back into reality, stepping and walking away into his house, holding his head in his hand and resting a hand on his hips. Colin was becoming more and more confused, and once again that nervousness surfaced.  _ I guess this is how it starts,  _ he thought. Why did it always have to start with harshness? Why could things never be solved with polite talk? Everytime, it all leads to yelling and screaming. Why did there need to be so much of it?

 

“Ryan, what’s wrong?” Colin followed the other in the house. There was no beating around the bush now, just get it over with. Like a band-aid. His problems could wait a while longer if it meant that it could help Ryan relax. What could be so wrong?

 

“It’s nothing, Colin. I don’t know if it’s something you could even understand.”

 

Colin took offense to the statement. “What makes you say that?”

 

“I don’t know, I just don’t know if you  _ can _ . Or… Maybe you can, maybe you do, I don’t know.” Ryan didn’t know where to begin nor how to start. He didn’t want to upset Colin, because he knew that Colin, while level headed and calm, was emotional and sensitive, and it wasn’t his plan to upset anyone. But the more he stalled and thought, the more nervous  _he_  became. Some people met their nervous habits with stumbled words and sweaty palms, but he met his with anger and defensiveness, using intimidation to scare others away even if it wasn’t what he wanted to do but it was what was his gut reaction to unpleasant emotions. Normally Ryan could control himself. He had worked hard over the years to be able to do so. But this was a little different, and the more time ticked away, the more defensive he became, and the more his filter lessened, and the more the irritation came through in his voice.

 

“Well how am I supposed to understand if you won’t even bother to tell me?” Both of their voices began to rise in irritation as Colin stepped closer. “You can talk to me Ryan. We can work through this together. I know we might not know how to deal with things like this, but there’s a first time for everything, and it just takes a few times to learn it.”

 

The blame began to shift. Always the diplomat. How was Colin so calm about this? He couldn’t be so dense, right? He had to know what the problem was. It was his fault in the first place, he should have known better. His noble and humble attempts were beginning to piss him off.   

 

“I’m not going to be mad, if that’s something you’re worried about.”

 

_ But you should be.  _ Ryan still wasn’t speaking, and now, everything was becoming grating.

 

“Ryan, please-”

 

“Alright!” Ryan turned around, and Colin shut his mouth quickly. “You want to know the problem? It’s us. It’s  _ this.”  _ Ryan pointed between the both of them. “It’s the stuff we’re doing behind everyone’s backs, do you get it now, Col?”

 

“I… I do, but-”

 

“If you do then why is it so hard for you to understand? We can’t keep doing this. This has to stop. I don’t get it, Col, why did you start this in the first place?” Ryan shook his head and took in a deep breath. “God damnit….”

 

Colin stood in the silence, not knowing how to process the information. So  _that’s_  was what this was about. “Alright,” he began softly after a while of watching the floor as Ryan paced around in the living room. “We don’t have to keep doing this. I understand. I’m sorry. But….” Colin cocked his mouth to the side. “This isn’t just my fault, Ry. It’s something we both were doing. We both should have known better.”

 

“I strongly disagree with that statement.” Ryan turned around to Colin again and walked closer. “Maybe we both should have known better. I take all responsibility for maybe… Maybe for feeling some sort of way, and yes I shouldn’t have continued it anymore than it needed; but _  you’re _  the one in a relationship. And it’s a decent one too, why would you want to fuck that up because of someone you met literally half a year ago?”

 

“I don’t know Ryan- Hold on,” Colin was stuck on one particular word. “Decent? You really think that it’s  _ decent?  _ That’s bullshit and you know it, I’ve told you the stuff that goes on at my house, and you think that’s decent?”

  
  


“Must not be so bad if you still continue to stay and put up with her. What else am I supposed to think, Colin?”

 

“You’re  _ supposed  _ to believe me.” Colin crossed his arms, defeat in his voice. “Forget what we were trying to do. I get it, it was a mistake, it was something we shouldn’t have done. Okay? I get it. I'll take whatever blame you're trying to throw. But you’re my friend first. One of my best. Aren't friends supposed to believe each other?”

 

“Either way Colin, I can't be the one that you form attachments to because you think that things in your life aren't going the way that you want them. You have a girlfriend, you have a place to stay, you have a well paying job. You have everything that you could ever want in life and so I don't understand why you think that doing this with me is going to make you feel any better. And I don’t understand why you and Greg both keep telling me-”  

 

“Woah, woah woah; what do you mean Greg?” Colin put his hands up to stop the other in his tracks, and he wasn’t going to let it go any further.

 

_ Shit _ . Ryan bit his lip and jiggled his leg slightly. He didn’t mean to let that slip that they had a conversation (or two) about the other man.

 

“Are you saying that you and Greg  _ talk  _ about me behind my back?” Colin gave Ryan a look of disbelief.

 

“It’s not like that Colin.”

 

“Then you tell me what the  _ fuck  _ it’s like. Because if there’s one thing that pisses me off more, it’s when people talk about me and don’t have the gall to say it to my face. I’m not deaf, I’m not a child, I can handle the things that anyone needs to throw at me. People are  _ always  _ doing that to me, and I’m not about to let either of you start it too.” At this point Colin was starting to see red. “You want some kind of proof, Ryan?” Lifting up his shirt sleeve, Colin revealed a yellow and purple bruise on his forearm, resisting the urge to shove it in Ryan’s face. “Is that proof enough for you? Guess who did that? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't me. You think I'm lying now? Because I'm not.  _ Everything  _ that I've told you- I thought that I could trust you, Ry. But you know what I guess I'm the bad guy.” Colin shoved his sleeve down forcibly, and Ryan was left not able to say anything.

 

Ryan was left feeling a sense of rage. A rage at the person who would dare do that to someone who was one of the nicest, kindest, sweetest people… But he couldn’t seem to let his pride go. He had dug this hole far too deep to be able to try to get out.

 

“If it’s that bad Col, why don’t you just leave?”

 

“It’s not that simple Ryan. I’m barely understanding now that something is wrong. Even if I wanted to, where would I go? How would I do it? What would I even do?”

 

“I don’t know but…” Ryan trailed off, his voice softening. “But us doing this can’t make you feel any better.”

 

“It might not be the smartest decision, but it makes me happier in the moment than any moment I could  _ ever  _ spend at home. And I thought it made you happy too….”

 

Now it was Colin’s turn to shake his head, and he turned around to go for his coat, but stopped in the process. There was one more question that needed an answer.

 

“What are we now, Ry?” Colin turned to face the other, sadness and slight desperation in his eyes. “Is this going to ruin everything we’ve established?”

 

Ryan was silent and crossed his arms in thought. “I don’t know. Maybe... Maybe we need some time apart.”

  
  


So that was that, it seemed. Colin couldn't help the strong emotions that started to flood his heart and his stomach, and stormed away, grabbing his coat in a huff and left the house back into the cold and unforgiving night. This was a horrible idea, and nothing was solved. The only thing that was evident was that it was all a mistake in trying to think that any of this would fix it and make it better. He should have known.

 

“Colin. Colin,” Ryan walked right after the other man, leaving his front door open and grabbing the other’s wrist. “Col, would you please listen to me?”

 

“Did you ever believe me, Ry?” Colin asked quietly and suddenly, looking up at the other. "Just tell me that; did you ever? Did you ever feel like how I felt?" Ryan felt put on the spot, but he didn’t answer. Because he knew if he did, he would make the situation worse. The wind picked up, and it sent shivers down their spines. Colin nodded his head, tapping his foot nervously and a scowl beginning to form across his face as he realized the truth. He jerked his wrist away from the other’s grasp.

 

“You know what, Ryan,” Colin said quietly, and calmly. “Fuck you.” Colin scoffed and continued to shake his head, in disbelief at what was going on, and in disbelief at the reaction he gave. But he kept going. “You don't want to believe me? Fine. You want to go and talk to Greg about me and not have the gall to say it to my face? Fine. But I'm  _ not  _ going to sit here and take this shit from you; this is  _ not  _ all my fault and I’m not the only one to blame.” His voice became deeper and the silent rage he carried was showing in his voice. He pointed a finger at the other. “You want to ‘take a break’? Fine. Let’s fucking do that and see where it takes us, whatever. But I'll be  _ damned  _ if I let you make me feel like shit when I don't need to.”

 

Without giving the other a chance to reply, Colin turned briskly on his heel and walked towards his car, already clutching his keys to unlock door. He was beyond pissed, and yet he also felt a mixture of sadness. When he got to his car, he slammed it shut, sitting there for a moment and simmering in his own anger. This whole time; how long did Ryan not believe him? How long was it a lie? That’s what he was most shook over. He knew what they were doing was wrong, he knew that he should have known better, he knew all these things and to have it come back down on him wasn’t a surprise; he knew it was coming, and it still hurt. But it felt so different. It felt so right. Maybe he  _ was _  hoping for a fairytale ending. Someone to rescue him from this Hell he called life. Maybe he  _ did _  get too attached too quickly. But none of that mattered now, and it was something he would deal with, and move on from, and it would be okay. But why,  _ how  _ could Ryan not believe him? The thought alone made Colin feel just that; alone. Colin shook his head, feeling tears prick his eyes, but he blinked them away.

 

He pulled out his phone, dialing a number and letting the phone ring.

 

_ “Hello?” _

 

“Hey, hun? Hey, I'm coming home. “ He put the car into drive, trying to hide the emotion in his voice. “Yeah, it ended early…. I wanted to call you - I got excited, sorry -but I found a really nice place about about an hour out from here we should check out….”


End file.
